Welcome to StMartin's Orient
by Ribbonrebel31
Summary: Aizen thinks that it's time for his espada to go on another vacation.It's Grimmjow's turn to choose and he wants to go to St Martin's Orient,now who knew that it was a nude beach?Much less a holiday, Ulquiorra sees this as a mission:Survive vacation! R
1. Vacation oh yeaah

_**Kami-sama **__**knows**__** WHY I am writing this…somehow, I came up with this idea, when I was tap dancing and watching Spongebob**__**, hmmm**__** strange huh?**__** OH I don't own Bleach, if I did? Oh the possibilities hee hee hee hee :)**_

Hi 8D

Every once and awhile, Aizen saw it necessary to give his espada a "vacation". He also gave each espada a choice to go on vacation in order of their numbers. This time it was Grimmjow's turn, and thus this cracky tale begins begins!!! .

**During ****an Espada**** meeting**

Aizen quickly scanned over the group in front of him of him. He took a sip of the herbal tea then set the cup down and smiled. "Well, my dear espada, I feel that-" There was a loud thump and everyone glanced at Stark who had fallen asleep again. Halibel shook her head and kicked Stark under the table; Stark sat up suddenly and was instantly startled by all the eyes staring at him. "What?" Halibel sighed and rolled her eyes, then Aizen coughed rather loudly, which brought back the attention of everyone again. "As I was saying, I think you all deserve a vacation!""Aizen sat there with a large grin, expecting some kind of reaction from the Arrancar. A couple of minutes passed where nobody said anything, or did anything, I mean none of them even blinked for crying out loud!

"Well, yes anyways, as you know, Zomari chose the last vacation site for you all, and I believe it is Grimmjow's turn to choose this time," Grimmjow perked up at the sound of his name, "You what now?" Aizen smiled at the blue-haired espada "Grimmjow it's your turn to choose where the 10 of you are going for vacation," Grimmjow nodded and ignored all the stares he was receiving from everyone "Sure, I choose St Martin's orient" Ulquiorra looked at Grimmjow and glared for a short while "Grimmjow isn't that-"

"THEN IT'S DECIDED! YOU'RE ALL GOING TO ST MARTIN'S ORIENT!" Grimmjow grinned to himself. "Aizen-sama, I really think that you should look at what St.Martin's orient is," Ulquiorra said, slightly uneasy by Grimmjow's grin "Nonsense, no one questioned you when you decided to go to America!" Everyone shuddered at the flashback…Nightclubs…strippers…New York…lost clothes, need I say more?

Ulquiorra stayed silent, a sign of defeat. "Well now that's decided, you are dismissed!" The Arrancar stood up and made their way to the door. Nnoitora walked up behind Grimmjow and bent down slightly, so he could speak face to face with him. "Grimmjow, do really think it is a good idea to go there? You know what's there, and I'm not entirely sure the rest of the espada would approve, especially Ulquiorra, being the little ass-kisser he is is," Grimmjow grinned again "Yes, I'm pretty damn sure the emo clown will appreciate this vacation" They both looked at the back of Ulquiorra as he turned the corner and stalked off to his room. They both chuckled and split up to go to their rooms, lord knows why, but they had to pack clothes…that looked exactly the same.

**Like 45 minutes later!**

All 10 arrancar were stood waiting in the throne room, waiting for Aizen to show up with Gin and Tousen, their "would be" guardians whilst on vacation. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Nnoitora took out a random pack of cards and began a short game of go fish with Szayel and Halibel. Eventually Aizen strutted in with Gin and Tousen following in afterwards. Gin still had that foxy smile in place and was starting to creep the hell out of everyone that looked directly at him.

"Well everyone got their stuff?" Gin said happily. The arrancar just stared "Damn emotionless bastards…" he muttered, earning a hit round the head from Tousen. Aizen opened up that portal type thing and looked at everyone.

"Well, first things first, you are all gonna go by plane!" Everyone sweat dropped, Ulquiorra looked at Aizen as if he was a madman (well technically, he was, but that's not the point) "Aizen-sama, won't we need gigais? And wouldn't it make sense to just go straight there then waste time on a "plane"?" Aizen chuckled "Well, I thought it'd be a nice experience for you all, and Gin's just going to get your gigais!" Gin had just disappeared, not that anyone cared, a few moments ago and was back with a whole load of bodies.

"Everyone get into yer gigais! There's one that'll look exactly like ya, with a few minor adjustments!" The espada went and collected their gigais, looking at them and inspecting them.

"Wait, these gigais-" Ulquiorra began "There ain't no skull fragments or holes or shit, and why is this sucking up some of my reiatsu, it's starting to piss me off!" Grimmjow said, dropping it on the ground like it was something nasty and infected. There were a few crude complaints, but the one that earned most attention was probably Nnoitora's or Halibel's, probably same, what do you think?

"MY BOOBS ARE BIGGER THEN THESE ONES DAMN IT!!!" Halibel screeched, earning a look of "WTF?!" from just about everyone, apart from Gin…because his grin just owns and pwnz everything. "I'M A DAMN MIDGET????!! WHAT THE HELL? I'M EVEN SHORTER THEN ULQUIORRA!!!" ___**God**__** I hate bullying Ulquiorra, he's to friggin' sexy to be bullied damn it - ) **_Ulquiorra had an anger mark thing on his head and just narrowly avoided smashing in Nnoitora's head with a spork _**(SPORK ARMY UNITE!) **_

Aizen sweatdropped and started to get annoyed by all the comments. "LISTEN UP YOU BASTARDS, JUST PUT THE DAMN THINGS ON, OR I'LL NEUTER YOU ALL!!!" All the guys gasped and held onto their manhoods in protection; obviously Halibel wasn't affected because she didn't have those problems…apart from the you know…"Time of month" or PMS _**(LAWLS all females gain SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH BECAUSE OF IT guys out there…beware MWAHAHAHAHAHA) **_Everyone slipped on the gigais and began experimenting with their movements. Grimmjow was jumping up and down and noticed that he wasn't jumping as high as he normally could. "Oi Aizen, what's with these things, we can't do nothing like normal"

Gin's grin, grew a little bit "That's because the gigais restrict your own non human like powers, you'll still have your swordsmanship skills of course, it's just that we don't ya all to go around killing things…and people, it's not good for a cover up and vacation you know?" Grimmjow rolled his eyes and 'tched' at Gin's response. "Aizen-sama, I think it's best we leave, the espada do seem to be getting a bit reckless," Tousen said, referring to Nnoitora and Szayel looking like they were about to tear each other apart. "Hmm yes, we have been here to long, alright you assholes, through the portal you go!" Aizen began picking up and throwing random arrancar into the portal Gin and Tousen went in last. Before the portal completely closed, Aizen shouted "AND DON'T FORGET TO GET MEH A SOUVENIR!!!"

**Inside the portal thing**

"Gin…did Aizen-sama seem a bit…animated to you?" Gin looked at his blind partner and scratched his chin thoughtfully "Now that you mention it… I think I may have put a bit too much sugar in his tea…" "Do you think he'll be ok?"

**Back in Las Notches**

"WOOT WOOT EVERYBODY PARTAY!!!! RAVE RAVE RAVE!!!!!" Aizen was currently running around shirt less and hosting a random party…with lot's of tea and shit. There was DJ and everything so it was like awesome and shit, somehow The entire Soul Society had got into the party.

**Back to the portal**

"Yeah I'm sure he'll be fine! Hey I think we're there!" Gin and Tousen stepped out of the portal and looked at the nine in front of them. "Yeah I'm pretty damn sure they are all here, oh wait where's Grimmjow?" "He said something about wanting a 'doughnut' or something gay like that, so he went off to get one" Nnoitora answered looking around at all the people. "Damn there's a lotta humans here…"

A couple minutes of finding trolleys for their luggage, Grimmjow came back with a doughnut in his mouth and bearing six large bags of food. "Bloody hell, Grimmjow you gonna eat all that?!" Grimmjow shrugged, swallowed the doughnut in his mouth and took out another doughnut from one of the bags. "These things are pretty tasty; the humans here make good shit…" "Oi pass me one fat boy," Szayel shouted "Who you calling fat? you gay piece of queer Go get your own!" "I said pass me one damn it!" Grimmjow and Szayel began a small brawl after that. Gin shook his head and looked at them both. "At this rate, we should probably just leave them here…" Watching the two fight, the espada were beginning to think the same thing.

Stark sighed and pulled them apart, giving a doughnut to Szayel and patting Grimmjow on the head. Everyone pretty much stared at him with a "WTF??!!" look. "What? They were acting like kids…I just thought you had to sort them out like kids…" Well, you couldn't defy that logic, Since it was pretty much correct anyways. Szayel stuck his tongue out at Grimmjow and stared at the doughnut oddly "…What if it's poisoned?" Everyone growled "Look just eat the damned thing already!" Ulquiorra said, getting pretty much pissed off. Szayel shrugged and took a large bite out of the doughnut; he chewed it slowly then swallowed. "Hey, this isn't bad" Without warning Nnoitora snatched up the rest of the doughnut and plopped it in his mouth. "Pink and Grimmjow are right; these things are quite tasty actually"

"For the love of Aizen, could we PLEASE go and get on the damn plane already, the faster this damned trip is over, the happier I'll be, now MOVE YOUR ASSES!!!" Halibel said, I mean ordered. Everyone nodded hurriedly and began walking silently to the fast track line.

"Ok, which one of us has the passports?" Halibel asked. Everyone checked their things and Ulquiorra pulled out 12 passports from his pocket. "They're here…I think…" "Right then, everyone grab a partner and stay like that until this trip is over" Gin said taking the passports.

Tousen walked off with Gin to get their tickets. Everyone one was silent for a while Until Stark got one of the bags that Grimmjow bought, and started handing out random food products. Let's see I think, it was an apple, 5 more doughnuts (Grimmjow was furious of course, arguing that they were HIS doughnuts), some crisps (prawn cocktail) and three packets of pocky. Nnoitora, Szayel and Grimmjow went straight for the doughnuts and growled at just about everybody who tried to come near them. Halibel took the strawberry/chocolate pocky. Zomari took a doughnut when the three arrancar were distracted, the old guy _**(don't know his name yet XD)**_ took a doughnut as well. Stark and Yami took the other packets of pocky. Which left the crisps and the apple for Ulquiorra and Aaroniero (he's in Kaien's body form by the way )"Shiny…" Ulquiorra grabbed the apple and stared at its surface "Is this…edible?"

A few minutes starring at the apple, he shrugged and took a large chomp out of it. "It's…adequate…" He took another bite out of the apple and just sat on the luggage, looking at nothing in particular. Gin and Tousen came back a minute later holding 12 tickets. "Everyone got a partner?" No one said anything and seemed to be ignoring them altogether. Gin sighed, but his grin didn't falter.

"Hey, uh Tousen?"

"Yes Nnoitora?"

"It is it normal for your bag to moving?"

"No…"

"well…that is just plain creepy…" Nnoitora looked at the shifting bag on the trolley. Everyone saw its movements as well, but Grimmjow was the only one who approached it. He prodded it with his finger, the shifting stopped. Grimmjow opened up the zipper and stepped back, expecting some kind of creature to jump out at him. When nothing happened, he took a few steps forward and peered into the bag.

Grimmjow immediately got hit in the face…by a hand? Grimmjow jumped back and growled at the bag. Ulquiorra walked up to Tousen's bag and pulled out the hand and its owner. "Oh dear Aizen… Tousen did he sneak into the bag, or did you put him in there?" Tousen just stood there, trying to remember what he had put into his bag. "I do believe Wonderweiss snuck into the bag when I wasn't… around" Wonderweiss yawned, rubbed his eyes and was immediately struck by all the glares he was receiving. Gin petted Wonderweiss' head "Well I guess we gotta get you a passport then!" Wonderweis pried off Ulquiorra's fingers and dropped head first onto the ground. A little brown book fell out of his pocket. Gin picked it up "Well then, that's sorted, everyone ready to go on board?" Nearly everyone grunted. Gin twitched, "Well then, everyone grab a partner and we'll be on our way!"

Everyone chose the person standing nearest to them.

Halibel-Stark

Nnoitora-Szayel

Zomari-Yami

Old guy (still don't know his name XD)-Aaroniero

Ulquiorra looked at Grimmjow and Wonderweiss _'Damn it, why am I always stuck with the dumb asses?'_ He thought massaging his temples. Tousen approached Wonderweiss and took his hand "Wonderweiss, come with me, I'll make sure you don't get lost, or hurt anyone," Wonderweiss was then lead off babbling about god knows what and staring at everything that moved. Ulquiorra looked at Grimmjow solemnly, Grimmjow was watching a little 7-year-old girl eat half a doughnut and throw it in the bin. Grimmjow growled and swore at the little girl, before digging in the bin to get it out. Ulquiorra got hit in the face with a greasy fish and chip wrapper, he could tell that this was going to be a loooooong day.

_**Well meh first bleach story or something or other, well hopefully this might be more successful then my other Naruto stories, well that's unlikely lol, well since you had the decency to read this piece of crap I might as well give you an insight to the next chapter, if I get round to writing it, Oh if you like Naruto, go onto my Profile and either read "Who the Hell said Babies were a bundle of Joy" and/or "Sakura's sleepover party" well anyways, ONTO THE PREVIEW!!**_

_"What do you mean __Szayel's__ in custody, what did he do?" Gin asked looking at Ulquiorra, confused as hell._

_"Apparently, he had a load of needles, syringes, "drugs" and other crap in his bag" Ulquiorra answered, not looking too bothered by the current situation._

_Grimmjow tuned into the conversation __"Wait, the idiot wanted to do experiments on holiday too didn't he?" Ulquiorra nodded_

_Gin sighed "Well guess we gotta say he's a Doctor or something, if not, prepare to get his Bail money ready." Ulqui__orra nodded again and walked towards one of the security guards__. He came back a couple minutes later, frowning a bit_

_Gin was disturbed by Ulquiorra's frown "Ulquiorra, how much is his bail?" _

_"They said it would come to at least be around ¥530,000 (approx £2,500/ $5000), either we pay, or he gets a six month prison sentence"_

_Grimmjow's jaw dropped "That's a hell of a lotta money…I say we just leave him there, then bust him out later"_

_Everyone muttered in agreement, Gin ignored them_

_"Oh that's ok then," Gin put his grin back on, Ulquiorra guessed that what he said hadn't made to Gin's brain properly__. It took a few minutes before it clicked. Gin's red eyes shot open and his grin disappeared, his mouth hung open in surprise. Grimmjow's eyes widened, Ulquiorra even looked surprised. "THE FOX'S GRIN HAS GONE!!! __ZOMG__ HIS EYES ARE RED???" Grimmjow literally screamed. _

_In soul society, everyone could hear a faint scream.__Everyone gasped; outside, people started shouting that there was an invasion of flying pigs, and that hell had suddenly frozen over.__Toshirou__ looked out his window "What the hell is that? Meh probably Matsumoto holding another party, god" He turned back to the mountain of paperwork on his desk__ and sighed "Hey, is that…a pig with wings? Flying outside…my…window…?" __Toshirou__ looked at his cup of tea and shook it slightly "No more tea for you __Toshirou__…" He muttered to himself_

_Gin grabbed Ulquiorra's shoulders and shook him violently "WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO GET THE MONEY FROM?" Ulquiorra was too dizzy to answer, and promptly passed out in front of Gin._


	2. AIRPORT FUN

_**Oh lol I didn't actually expect anyone to review this lol XD, well I'm grateful, just cuz I felt it necessary I'm gonna write the second chapter of dis random story. Har Har Butters is Mr.Biggles 3**__****_

The espada were currently waiting behind Gin and Tousen, silent as hell apart from Wonderweiss's occasional burble. Gin twitched and turned around. "Don't you espada talk about anything?" A few blank stares and expressionless faces told Gin his answer. He sweatdropped and turned around again, muttering under his breath. One by one, they stepped through the metal detector. Grimmjow was pulled aside and patted down; he got annoyed and started shouting at the guards who were patting around his abdomen and legs. One of them stood up and looked at Grimmjow "Sir, we are going to have to ask you to disrobe," Grimmjow went silent and stared at the guard for a couple of minutes, "¿Por que?"

The guard adjusted his hat and looked at Grimmjow again "Sir, I'm asking you again, could you please disrobe," Grimmjow's eye twitched, Ulquiorra glared at Grimmjow, because he was not allowed to carry on with the rest of espada without his partner. Grimmjow slowly took off his jacket and placed it on the tray in front of him. He shot a look of spite at the guard as he watched them search through his jacket. The guard looked at Grimmjow, who was scowling and muttering about the airport being cold. The guard sighed; "Sir, we are going to have to ask you to remove your shirt as well," Grimmjow rolled his eyes and pulled off his shirt. In his belt, the hilt of his sword was sticking out. Grimmjow swore and Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. Knowing that there would be a hell of a lot of explaining to do, Ulquiorra stood up, cleared his voice and pointed to a random person. "OMG THAT MAN IS A SUICIDE BOMBER, HE HAS A BOMB STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST!!! EVERYBODY RUN AND PANIC!!!!" Everyone began panicking and screaming, running around and crashing into other people. Grimmjow, in all the panic, pulled out his sheathed sword and threw it towards Ulquiorra, who caught it one handed and shoved it in his jeans, next to his own.

Gin's grin widened as he watched the amusing scene, he never thought that Ulquiorra would be one to provide a distraction, and quite a startling reaction from the crowd made Gin chuckle. Grimmjow pulled his shirt back on and put on his jacket, smirking at all the chaos. Eventually the guards were able to bring the crowd back under control and were now carrying a yelling man away. The espada walked away from the scene laughing slightly, the only people who didn't find it amusing were Tousen and Ulquiorra.

Everyone was sitting in the boarding area, doing nothing in particular. Gin was counting everyone; the old guy was starring outside at all the airplanes, Halibel was reading a magazine, Stark was sleeping on three seats, Ulquiorra was starring at a mother trying to calm a crying baby; the crying was starting to annoy him. Nnoitora was getting bugged by kids who kept asking if he was a whale, or related to a whale, Grimmjow was glaring at some guy who was glaring at him, Zomari and Aaroniero were asleep and leaning on their arms. Szayel was nowhere to be found, no matter Gin looked; there was no pink-headed guy in the boarding room.

Gin asked Halibel if she had seen him, she shook her head and turned a page in her magazine. Gin walked over to Nnoitora, but then walked away when he saw the kids; Gin never liked children, he'd always get petted on the head and called "Foxy-chan", and they were shorter then him. Gin walked over to Ulquiorra and asked the same question he had asked Halibel.

"Emo-chan; you seen Szayel anywhere?" Gin asked, grin still in place. Ulquiorra ignored the comment, but answered back "Some guards took him into custody awhile ago, I thought you noticed"

"What do you mean Szayel's in custody, what did he do?" Gin asked looking at Ulquiorra, confused as hell.

"Apparently, he had a load of needles, syringes, "drugs" and other crap in his bag" Ulquiorra answered, not looking too bothered by the current situation.

Grimmjow tuned into the conversation "Wait, the idiot wanted to do experiments on holiday too didn't he?" Ulquiorra nodded

Gin sighed "Well guess we gotta say he's a Doctor or something, if not, prepare to get his Bail money ready." Ulquiorra nodded again and walked towards one of the security guards. He came back a couple minutes later, frowning a bit.

Gin was disturbed by Ulquiorra's frown "Ulquiorra, how much is his bail?"

"They said it would come to at least be around ¥530,000 (approx £2,500/ $5000), either we pay, or he gets a six month prison sentence"

Grimmjow's jaw dropped "That's a hell of a lotta money…I say we just leave him there, then bust him out later"

Everyone muttered in agreement, Gin ignored them

"Oh that's ok then," Gin put his grin back on; Ulquiorra guessed that what he said hadn't made to Gin's brain properly. It took a few minutes before it clicked. Gin's red eyes shot open and his grin disappeared, his mouth hung open in surprise. Grimmjow's eyes widened, Ulquiorra even looked surprised. "THE FOX'S GRIN HAS GONE!!! ZOMG HIS EYES ARE RED???" Grimmjow literally screamed.

In soul society, everyone could hear a faint scream. Everyone gasped; outside, people started shouting that there was an invasion of flying pigs, and that hell had suddenly frozen over. Toshirou looked out his window "What the hell is that? Meh probably Matsumoto holding another party, god" He turned back to the mountain of paperwork on his desk and sighed "Hey, is that…a pig with wings? Flying outside…my…window…?" Toshirou looked at his cup of tea and shook it slightly "No more tea for you Toshirou…" He muttered to himself.

Gin grabbed Ulquiorra's shoulders and shook him violently "WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO GET THE MONEY FROM?" Ulquiorra was too dizzy to answer, and promptly passed out in front of Gin. Gin stared at the lifeless body in front of him and started breathing heavily; Ulquiorra was probably the only one out of the 12 that could come up with a solution, and yet here he was, in front of Gin, passed out. Gin looked like he was about to cry and shook Ulquiorra more, but was then stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Gin dropped Ulquiorra and turned around looking really really miserable. Tousen stood behind him, with Wonderweiss _**(God I love his name, it's so awesomely German, and it sounds like a superhero's name seriously, WONDERWEISS TO THE RESCUE**______**Batman**__** theme tune) **_clinging onto his arm.

"Gin-san, maybe you should send some espada to get the money," Tousen said calmly. Gin stood still, contemplating the idea, just then his grin came back; outside the pigs had started falling from the sky and hell was experiencing global warming.

"I've got an idea! Whale-san, Grimmy-kun come here for a minute I got a mission for ya!" Gin called grinning like hell. Grimmjow came muttering obscene words; he tripped over Ulquiorra's body and swore louder. Nnoitora was taking longer, because he was fighting off the kids, who wanted to show him their dolls and other crap. Eventually the children's parents called them back for a snack; Nnoitora took this as a chance to escape and ran towards Gin at full speed, before he could get glomped again. The two arrancar stood in front of Gin, one panting and the other just plain…slouching and glaring at…stuff…people….things? "I need you two to go get some money for Szayel!" Gin said happily, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Grimmjow looked confused "Where the hell are we gonna get money from, because I am NOT getting a job here!" Nnoitora nodded "Won't the plane leave without us?"

Gin looked at them both "Well the plane isn't due to leave for another 2 hours, so I expect you two back in 1 hour and 30 minutes, as for getting the money, I don't really give a damn, sell your bodies for all I care, sell an arm I don't care just bring back the money ok?" The both nodded and stalked off. Wonderweiss pulled on Gin's sleeve and held out a handful of coins and paper notes, smiling happily. Gin petted Wonderweiss's head, took the notes and counted them. "Oh wow Wonderweiss, you managed to get ¥20,000, where'd you get it from?" Wonderweiss didn't say anything but walked back to Tousen still smiling; Gin noticed the vast amount of wallets stuck in Wonderweiss's pocket, then looked around to all the people who were muttering about missing purses and wallets. Gin sweatdropped and removed the wallets from Wonderweiss's pocket, stuffing them into his own pocket.

_**LIKE 1 HOUR, 15 MINUTES AND A PACKET OF BANANA CHOCOLATE POCKY LATER MAAANNN**_

Nnoitora came back holding a huge load of money in his arms and was grinning his whale like smile. "Oi, Gin, you wont believe this, but you know down in the hall type thing? They have 3 giants clear boxes full of money and toys and crap, it said something cheerity of Christy or some other shit but seriously, they give away free money here!!!" Gin nodded and took the money from Nnoitora's hands, counting it and then grinned. "We got enough to bail Szayel out now! Right so we'll wait for Grimmjow to come back then-" Gin was cut off by a flash of black and brown. Grimmjow stopped in front of him, holding a black mask, a bag full of money, a black long haired wig and was panting heavily. "What's up Grimmjow you've been running from the law or what?" Gin asked amused by Grimmjow's haggard state. Grimmjow panicked and dived under the seats, throwing the wig at some random person. "Robbed….bank….being…chased" He said between gasps of air. Gin nodded again "Well you don't need to worry 'bout the money anymore, we got enough from Nnoitora!" Gin heard a few distinct thumps from under the chairs, he looked underneath and saw that Grimmjow was banging his head repeatedly on the ground. Gin looked at the espada again, everyone was doing the same crap again, except for Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. Grimmjow was still banging his head, and the kids that were bothering Nnoitora were using Ulquiorra's body as some sort of car…or boat, well either way they sat right on his chest and were moving his arms around and making "VROOOM VROOM" noises.

Gin asked Tousen to look after, I mean take care of them (wouldn't want to offend Tousen would we?) and walked off to the custody office, holding the huge sum of money in his hands like it was normal. Gin talked to the guard, gave him the money and made off with a traumatized Szayel, who was now muttering "I'll be a good boy" over and over again. Gin slightly disturbed by Szayel's choice of words, asked what happened to Szayel in the room. Szayel didn't say anything at first but then looked at Gin with a worried expression. "One of them…" Szayel went silent "Go on," Gin pressed, Szayel gulped. "They said that they were going to search my body for more of these "drug" things…they searched my body then…" Gin looked at Szayel "Carry on…" Szayel's bottom lip trembled, but whispered into Gin's ear. Gin snorted and Szayel looked like he was going to cry. "They stuck their hand up your ass? SERIOUSLY?!"Szayel began crying after that "IT'S NOT FUNNY IT'S TRAUMATIZING FOR ME!!!!!" Szayel ran ahead of Gin, still crying, kinda. Gin chuckled to himself; he liked to mess with the Espada, it was fun and they couldn't hurt him or Aizen would kill them YAY FOR GIN!

When Szayel came back, everyone was boarding the plane; Ulquiorra was slung over Grimmjow's back and everyone was with their partners. Szayel trudged up next to Nnoitora, wiping his face hurriedly. Gin came up afterwards still grinning and laughing slightly. The boarded the plane and were able to sit next to their partners, Ulquiorra, Szayel, Halibel and Aaroniero where next to the windows; Gin, Tousen and Wonderweiss had somehow been upgraded to first class. Nnoitora relaxed in his chair, he felt like sleeping the entire trip. "Hey look it's Whale-chan again Yumi!" Nnoitora's eyes shot open, next to him were the two kids that kept bothering him in the airport. "Why the hell are you two here?" "They ran out of seats mister, so now we get to sit next to you for the plane ride! Your our bestest buddy ever!!" "Yep, HUGS YAY FOR HUGS!!!" the girl screamed they both emphasized the statement by giving Nnoitora a big hug. "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Nnoitora screamed, unfortunately, there were no more seat left for him and Szayel to move to, Nnoitora looked a Szayel pleadingly, but Szayel had fallen asleep.

_**TADA because you all love meh so much, **__**lolz**__** I was hyper at the end, cuz I saw Ulquiorra with his shirt off X3 hmmm…I think the redhead whore fancies Grimmjow…well **__**what ever**____**R&r**____**PLEEAAASSSSEEE**_


	3. i speaky germanese 8D

_**Whoa, STILL, **__**didn't**__** expect any reviews and yet here they come **__**yay I**__** wuvs u ppl! cyber hugs I feel slightly inspired by the bleach musical I saw, yes ppl **__**there IS**__** bleach musical, and yes IT DOES have PAIRINGS!!!! (**__**Gasp**__**) surprising **__**isn't**__** it? Hell, GIN, AIZEN AND BYAKUYA SING**____** LOLZ and Ikkaku performs his…LUCKY DANCE**____** YAYZ**____**1 well if you wanna watch it look for it on Youtube, well anyways, in this chapter, I'm **__**not going to get the espada to the beach yet, just antics on the plane before they get there, after you read this chapter, I'm sure you'll agree I couldn't miss this out XD**_

Ulquiorra was propped up against his arm near the window; he was still unconscious and Grimmjow was nice enough to make it look like his sleeping. (But really, he didn't Ulquiorra to unconscious on his lap; it would be very very awkward) Eventually, Grimmjow got bored and began pressing random glowing buttons in the side of his chair. He was greeted by a busty woman in a green and white uniform, who was smiling…kinda like Gin, which freaked him out.

"Hello sir, is there anything wrong? I'll be glad to help your ride on our aircraft much more enjoyable!" she said; she sounded like a tape recorder… Grimmjow looked at her up and down with a "wtf" face.

"Who the fuck are you?" The lady's smile softened,

"I'm one of the many flight attendants on this aircraft; I'm here to help make your ride an enjoyable trip!"

Grimmjow processed the newly accommodated information (_**lol big words XD**_) and looked at the attendant suspiciously "So…could you get me a muffin?" The lady bowed

"Of course, I'll be with you again in a second!" The lady quickly walked away. Literally half a second later (but who was counting?) the flight attendant came back holding a bran muffin, a plastic knife and a small sachet of butter. Grimmjow took the items and stared at them, then the still smiling lady. In Hueco Mundo, he was always accustomed to have said items already prepared, so to say, he expected the butter to already be on the muffin, he also didn't actually know how to put butter on the muffin. Grimmjow looked at the items with a confused look on his face, then looked up sceptically at the flight attendant, who was still standing there, grin still in place.

"Is there anything else you would like me to do sir?" She asked noticing Grimmjow's confused face.

"Yeah…could you, quite possibly butter my muffin?" He asked. The flight attendant's smile dropped and she blushed a deep red hue. Ulquiorra was woke up by the sound of a slap and the shriek of "YOU PERVERTED PIG!!!" The embarrassed flight attendant walked off to the attendants' cabin. Grimmjow rubbed his cheek, which was bright red and in the shape of a hand. He muttered "Bitch" under his breath and glared at all the snickering passengers. Grimmjow turned and stared at his partner, who was glaring at him profusely. "What?" Grimmjow growled. "What did you do…" Ulquiorra asked in an icy tone. Grimmjow stopped rubbing his face and looked up thoughtfully. He turned to Ulquiorra, "Now that I think about it…all I did was ask her to butter my muffin…" "What's wrong with that?" The people sat behind them sniggered and spoke in rapid German _**(ALL GERMANESE PPL OUT THERE TELL ME IF I GOT ANYTHING WRONG D**_

"(1)Oh mein, was dumme Leute, die sie gar nicht wissen, was "meine Muffins Butter" bedeutet, ich wette sie sind Waisen!" One of them said laughing heartily; the other shook her head in disapproval

"(2) Aber Derk, das ist nicht eine nette Sache zu sagen, ich meine, sie, sie sehen aus wie sie gerade zwanzig!" The man or "Derk" quickly glanced over at Ulquiorra and Grimmjow; Grimmjow was still rubbing his face, but Ulquiorra was looking at them through the corner of his eye.

"(3)HA Unsinn, sie verstehe kein Wort, das wir sagen, für die Güte willen, wir sprechen Deutsch haben sie wahrscheinlich nicht einmal gehört, der Sprache, hier schauen," The lady watched her partner unsurely as he tapped Ulquiorra's shoulder. Ulquiorra turned around and looked at them, not exactly glaring or staring, just somewhere in the middle.

"May I help you?" He asked politely. 'Derk' nodded "All you have to do is listen to this short sentence, I just want to prove something to my wife here," he said with a thick german accent, pointing at the lady next to him. The man's wife was shaking her head and had an apologetic look on her face. Ulquiorra hned; Grimmjow watched with mild interest. Derk cleared his voice then, "(4)Sie sind Esel vergewaltigen Stück Scheiße, und Sie haben kein Leben, und Sie und Ihre bum Kumpel drüben wahrscheinlich Schraube jeweils anderen Gehirnen, jeden Abend, bevor Sie zu einer anderen fuck Esel!!!" The wife gasped and hid her face, which was reddening by the second. Ulquiorra didn't say anything; Derk looked triumphant and turned back to his wife "Sehen? Ich habe Ihnen gesagt, die sie nicht verstehen!!!"

Ulquiorra closed his eyes and took a deep breath; he opened his eyes and looked at the man, his stare deepened into a glare "(5) Was macht Ihrer Meinung nach, dass ich nicht verstehen Deutsch? Wenn Sie nicht wissen, ich bin ursprünglich Deutsch und für die Liebe zu Gott stoppen peinlich infront Sie für Ihre Frau, es ist respektlos, Gott, du machst mich krank mit dem Gestank verfault, das ich nicht beleidigt mein Geist Sie ein Idiot Freund hier, aber, wenn Sie jemals spew Worte flith wie vor werde ich mich wieder zerreißen Ihre fucking Bälle aus und schieben sie Hals? OK? Du hast das? Du Stück Scheiße" with that, Ulquiorra punched him hard in the nose (_**ouch poor old man XD but he deserved it**____** Ulquiorra is not a donkey raping piece of shit for god sake**_) The wife rolled her eyes and began apologizing repeatedly at Ulquiorra for her husband, who began bleeding onto his chair. Ulquiorra sniffed and turned around, to be met with the grinning face of Grimmjow; although his (Grimmjow's) left cheek had started to swell, giving the impression that he was a large blue-headed chipmunk.

"What?" Ulquiorra growled, slightly irritated by Grimmjow's grin

"Nice punch, when did you learn Germanese?" (_**yes**____** Grimmjow probably does have the attention span of me XD**_) Ulquiorra leaned on his arm and looked out the airplane window. "I dunno, always knew, I just never had the chance to use German before now," "oh, so what'd you say?" Grimmjow asked hopefully, I mean come on that statement probably had to the longest thing Ulquiorra's ever said. Ulquiorra shook his head.

"Aww come on tell me!" Grimmjow whined; it was bad enough being on a stuffy airplane with bad services. Ulquiorra shook his head and just remembered the muffin sat on Grimmjow's pull out table.

"Look I'll tell you when we get off, now do you want me to butter your damn muffin or not?" he said holding the muffin in his hands.

"Oh yeah…fine" Ulquiorra grabbed the knife and little sachet of butter. "Hey, wait, do you hear that?" Ulquiorra asked putting down the muffin. "No, what are you-"

"oh my god It's them!" A random girl shouted

"OH MY GOD THEY'RE COSPLAYERS!!!" another screamed

"their cosplays are so awesome, they look so realistic!"

"do you think they're really gonna do it?" "OOOH I HOPE SO"

"who do you think is gonna be the uke?"

"I think the emo kid is!" The espada looked to the side and saw a horde of blushing girls, who were muttering about what seemed to be something about "Yaoi". God forbid, Ulquiorra dropped the knife and bent over, undoing his belt so he could reach further. Damn it was restricting. This, mistaken by the random Yaoi fangirls, made them think that he was bending over for Grimmjow to…well…yeah…AHEM as much as I'd like to describe what I meant, I can't, I'm being watched…. Yeah anyways, the girls squealed and started pushing to get infront. Grimmjow liked the attention and sort of smirked at them, making them go crazy…er. Meanwhile, Ulquiorra; oblivious to the attention that his butt and Grimmjow were attracting, pawed around under the other seat for the knife. He saw it, but couldn't reach it so he shifted a little to the right; his butt kinda wriggled in the air _**(WOW I cannot imagine that ever happening, like Ulquiorra just randomly wriggling his butt, although that would be awesome, p.s. I am one of the crazy fangirls XD) **_giving off the wrong impression to the girls, who once again screamed louder. Ulquiorra just noticed the screaming and felt something hit his arse. He quickly drew back up looking around awkwardly, know holding the muffin, knife and sachet of butter.

"oh my god, he's got such an awesome stoic face"

"I know sqee, do you seriously think they're gonna do it?" Grimmjow was babbling a lot and shouting at the girls, whom ignored what he said and just squealed louder "HE TOUCHED IT HE TOUCHED ULQUIORRA'S BUTT SQEEEEEEE!!!!" (_**probably meh, or my friend XD**__** p.s. just so were clear, these are BLEACH fangirls, they obviously know the characters names, but since they think that they are both **__**cosplayers**__**, they don't know them so the fangirls just use Ulquiorra and Grimmjow as an alternative **_) Eventually the girls were pulled back to their seats by the flight attendants. Grimmjow chuckled nervously and felt a murderous reiatsu next to him. Grimmjow turned around robotically. "Grimmjow…" Ulquiorra growled. Ulquiorra drew the curtains round their seats; a couple minutes later, Grimmjow's yelling was heard on the aircraft, along what some war sounds effects like BLOOOM and crashing. Once again the fangirls got it wrong, but squealed as they imagined what could've happened while they weren't there, they were all wrong anyways.

**WITH NNOITORA AND PINKY, I'm sorry I mean SZAYEL**

Nnoitora had his hair in pigtails at each side of his head; uneven duh, and was suffering through the long tales of floopy the bunny, the little girl's bunny. The little kids had somehow managed to steal their mum's make up, and forced it onto Nnoitora's face, making him, look like…a clown…a pretty clown D. Szayel just watched, amused by Nnoitora's manliness being slowly destroyed by two little children.

"And this is from when floopy eated too much cake on his birthday and threw up over himself!!!" The girl said proudly, showing Nnoitora a picture of a rabbit being sick on a piece of cake. Nnoitora cringed at the picture and swatted it away. Szayel sniggered but the little girl frowned, she was pushed then away by her brother, who was holding a clear jar that had holes in the lid and lot of leaves in it. Nnoitora squinted at it "Is that-" he began "Yup it's my pet grasshopper, Jasper!" Nnoitora tapped the side of the jar, mildly entertained when a brown green thing jumped at the sound. Nnoitora carried on tapping the side of the jar, smirking at the grasshopper's quick movements. The little boy noticed and so did Szayel, who scratched the bridge of his nose. The boy nodded and looked at Nnoitora and the jar

"Say Whale-san, I think jasper likes you! You wanna hold him?" Nnoitora shrugged

"Sure, why not?" He'd probably forgotten that he had his hair in bunches and was wearing…make up. The boy jammed his hand into the jar and pulled out the wriggling insect, obviously not carefully, he forced it into Nnitora's hand. Szayel coughed and the girl nodded as well. She screamed loudly and started to frantically try and get away from Jasper. Nnoitora lost his grip on the bug and it fell…into his PANTS!!! (dun dun dun!!!!) Nnoitora stood up suddenly and started shouting swear words; Szayel whipped out a camera and took a picture of Nnoitora getting attacked by the bug. Smirking, Szayel looked at the picture triumphantly, It had Nnoitora with his arms in the air, left leg bent, right leg in the air, mouth open in disgust and narrowed eyes, all in all, it was a pretty hilarious pose, plus the make up and hair didn't do any help either. Szayel tucked the camera away into his pocket, as Nnoitora done some kind of Raindance, with the bug in his pants. Passengers; bored outta their minds, clapped some kinda of rhythm that went with Nnoitora's rain dance/Get-this-fucking-piece-of-shit-bug-outta-my-pants dance. The pilot's voice came on cue "Good morning ladies and gentleman, we should landing this aircraft in about 5 hours, please make use of this time to relax, sit back and enjoy the ride" Nnoitora shouted "FUCK YOU!!!" to the pilot who obviously couldn't hear it, then hit his head came him drowsy, he was still trying to get the bug out. Truth was, the boy also put some ants in his pants when he weren't looking.

Szayel pushed a couple of notes and bills into the boy's hand who smiled an innocent smile and pulled his sister, who smiled at Szayel also, back to their parents. "Cool we made ¥500 already, we so rule!" Was the last thing the boy said, before dodging Nnoitora and walking back through the curtain, Szayel heard the girl giggle, which sent a shiver up his spine, it was very creepy.

_**HOW'S ABOUT DAT DEN?**__** I PROMISE **__**THEY'LL**__** REACH THE BEACH IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OK? I JUST NEEDED TO WRITE THIS SOMEWHERE X3 IT SEEMED TO FUNNY, especially since our form prefect knows what Bleach and Expo are XD WELL YEAH ANYWAYS, HERE ARE THE TRANSLATIONS BETWEEN TE GERMAN COUPLE AND ULQUIORRA 8D**_

_**Oh my, what stupid people!**__** They **__**don't**__** even know what "butter my muffin "means, I bet they are orphans!**_

_**But Derk, that's not a nice thing to say, I mean they look like they have just turned twenty**_

_**HA nonsense, they do not understand a word we say, for goodness sake, we speak German, they have probably not even heard the language, look here**_

_**You are **__**donkey raping**__** pieces of shit, and you have no life, and you and your bum buddy over there probably screw each other's brains every night before going to another fuck ass!**_

_**What makes you think that I do not understand German? **__**If you do not know, I am originally german and for the love of God stop embarrassing yourself infront of your wife, it's disrespectful, God, you make me sick with your putrid stench, i do not mind you insulting my idiot of a friend here, **__**But if you ever spew words of filth**__** like that in front of me again I will rip your fucking balls off and shove them down your throat?**__** OK? You got **__**that?**__** You piece of shit**_

_**Ha ha ha ha swearing in a different language is fun YAYZ**__** XD well **__**R&R**__** STILL SORRY FOR THE WHOLE NOT AT THE BEACH YET THINGY p.s. **__**OMFG**__** I STILL **__**CAN'T**__** BELIEVE I SAW ULQUIORRA WITH HIS SHIRT OFF I HUGGED THE SCREEN AND MY MUM SAW AND STARED AT ME LIKE WTF? XD best day **__**eva**__** lol**_

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	4. Welcome to St Martin's Orient

_**Gawd I've just noticed that my story keeps coming out in italics, it's really annoying lol, well anyways, as you may have noticed, I make this up as I go along XD well enjoy more crackness at about 6:00am**_

Halibel and Stark were sitting in a three-seater on the plane; Halibel was in the middle, Stark was near the window and some creepy old guy was at the other side of Halibel. When the food cart came round, Halibel, completely independent over herself, reached over for a glass of water, thus placing her boob's in the old man's full view. The old man chuckled pervertedly and rubbed his hands together and reached over and- Halibel jumped, she felt something on her chest cavity… she looked down and noticed the creepy old man had a full grasp on her boobs. Halibel got her water and sat back down and drank the water in one gulp. The old man thought that she wasn't going to hit him, or hurt him in any way, so he turned to her once she finished her water. "Well my dear, did you enjoy that? Because I'm more then happy to issue the full package in the bathroom…you're certainly dressed for the occasion" Halibel cursed Aizen, or whoever the hell came up with her outfit; I mean why is it every else gets normal clothes and I don't? For god sake Stark looks like a skater, or a druggie, probably both, she thought. She was wearing some kind of green-blue belly button top (that stopped conveniently at the exact same place her arrancar top stopped, although you could see her mouth) that said "eye-candy" on it, under a jean jacket and was wearing jeans with sandals. It was pretty stylish, she thought, "but not much difference from my arrancar outfit" she muttered out loud. No one heard her and she saw the old man get up he turned around and motioned her to follow "are you coming my dear? I don't have all day you know" Halibel rubbed her temples, the amount of times this happened, even in Las Notches was unknown; a sudden flashback of Nnoitora grinning the same as the old man made Halibel sigh deeply. Halibel kicked Stark who grunted and glared at her; she rolled her eyes and whispered something.

Stark yawned and stretched, wasn't much point really; he'd be asleep again in about 2 minutes. Halibel motioned for the old man to come closer, luring him with a lusty smile (_**lol OOCNESS XD**_); when the creepy old man was close enough, Stark's hand shot out from behind Halibel's head and hit the old man on his neck. You could hear a small crack and the man collapsed in the middle of the isle.

Halibel hit Stark on the head "Your supposed to make him bleed, not knock him out idiot!"

"You could probably make the man bleed all over the couch, by pushing out your chest baka…" Stark muttered, shifting into a more comfy position. Halibel glared at Stark "what was that?"

"I said you can kick him in the crotch if it makes you feel better, I'm going back to sleep"

Halibel shrugged, got up and started kicking the old man 'this is more fun then I thought…' Some little kids came and robbed the man of his money, purse and medication and his dentures; right now, there was a little girl scaring her parents with over sized teeth XD. Eventually Halibel got bored; she'd been kicking the old fart for so long, he'd began to bleed in between his legs. She leaned back in her chair, with a smug look on her face and laughed when she saw a flying duck get sucked into the engine/jet type thing outside. The pilot's voice came on again "Hello Ladies and Gentlemen," Halibel snorted at the Gentlemen part "We will soon be landing in St.Martin, could I ask you to please return to your seats and buckle your seatbelts, as the plane will began it's decent now," Halibel buckled her seatbelt and laughed again when she saw 2 more ducks and a parachuter get sucked into the jet engine thingy.

Ulquiorra put on his seatbelt and looked at a rather bloody _Arrancar _Grimmjow; he rolled his eyes and pushed Grimmjow back into the Gigai; which was unmarked. Basically the gigai looked as if it had been knocked out; Grimmjow's actual soul, was pretty damn mushtified (_**mah new words oh yeah XD**_) Ulquiorra contemplated putting Grimmjow's seatbelt around him, when he realized how close to Grimmjow's crotch he would be. 'Yeah screw that idea, the idiot can die for all I care' He thought bitterly. He amused himself by watching Grimmjow falling backwards and forwards in his chair; seriously, it looked like he was trying to hump it, but was failing miserably 'Note to self; Remind Grimmjow of this EVERY SINGLE DAY'

Eventually the plane landed and Espada had stalked off as soon as the door was opened, although Szayel and Nnoitora were having trouble, because the grasshopper (and ants) had made a sort of home in Nnoitora's pants, which pissed him off to no end, because he couldn't move or else the bugs would make him rain dance again. Of course this was also a problem for Szayel; who couldn't move either, because the whale man's abnormally long legs had taken up most of the room of which he should be able to walk past; he instead tried climbing over them. Bad. Idea. Szayel fell on top of Nnoitora in a heap and couldn't move because of the bugs 'God damn it…' Just then two old ladies shuffled past and stared at the growling heaped pair "Oh my, lesbians!" One of them said, referring to Szayel's pink hair and Nnoitora's long hair (_**which is still in the uneven bunches XD**__**, is**__** there anything of that man that just isn't long Christ, if you say ANYTHING perverted…I'll probably laugh and fall off my chair backwards XD**_) Szayel twitched and Nnoitora resisted the urge to scratch his crotch, god damn there were a lot of bite marks he wanted to scratch. One by one people shuffled off the plane staring/nose-bleeding and/or giggling at Nnoitora and Szayel, and one by one, more bite marks appeared on Nnoitora's groin. Szayel carefully lifted himself up and dusted himself off; he swung around accidentally hitting Nnoitora's groin. Nnoitora snapped, the itching sensation was becoming too intense. He yelled and literally ripped off his trousers and ran out the plane, holding the ripped garments, yelling insanely and scratching at his "place" vigorously. Szayel shook his head and brushed off all the insects on his feet, then he calmly walked off the plane; seeing Nnoitora running around wildly, in his underwear…god that must be disturbing…well anyways

Ulquiorra, Grimmjow (now awake but groggy), Halibel, Stark and Szayel were waiting for Gin and Tousen to come out with Wonderweiss so they could leave fast, watching Nnoitora screaming and running around was entertaining, but it got boring afterwards, it was also really REALLY hot in St Martin, they wanted to get to the hotel to cool down fast. Grimmjow spotted Gin, Tousen and Wonderweiss emerge from the plane. Gin had somehow changed into a blue tropical flowered t-shirt and beige shorts with sandals and a sunhat. (_**LOL XD I CAN SERIOUSLY IMAGINE THAT**_) They walked over to the Espada, with Wonderweiss clapping and laughing at Nnoitora, who was STILL running around. Gin waved at everyone, with his freakish grin still in place (_**I'm serious, that smile ownz EVERYTHING 0-o**_) not really expecting anyone to wave back, he counted all the Espada in front of him (just so were clear they are now in the St Martin airport, before their tickets get checked D) and noticed Aaroniero, Zomari, Yami and the old guy weren't among them.

_**ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN D**_

"Ok, how the hell did we end up here?" Yami asked looking at all the rushing people in the airport, and a sign that said "Welcome to Heathrow Airport" in several different languages.

"You're the idiot that said we should go the plane" Aaroniero growled

"Look can we just concentrate on finding the others, before we get completely lost?" Zomari asked getting annoyed

"I've found out, we're in a place called "London" and St Martin is across the Atlantic Ocean" the old guy muttered.

"In other words, we're screwed" Aaroniero said

"Pretty much" the old guy replied, the four just stood in the middle of a busy passageway trying to figure out how to get across the Atlantic Ocean.

_**BACK WITH THE ESPADA X3**_

Gin shrugged it off and lead the Espada through to baggage collection, getting annoyed when Ulquiorra said he forgot where he put the passports and everyone had to look through their bags. Ulquiorra found it in his pocket after about 15 minutes of searching. Nnoitora was also being restrained from running around by Grimmjow and Stark, and was slowly turning calm, Stark held a pair of jeans over his arm, for when Nnoitora had completely calmed down.

Soon, after all the Espada had grabbed their luggage, they were piling into 2 cabs, family sized obviously, and having a humane discussion about the hotel. If you could call glaring and growling at Grimmjow humane. I can tell you this right now, regardless of HOW many Espada are shoved into a car (at this moment in time, there is 5 ppl in 1 cab and 3 in the other) it is not a good idea to keep them in said small enclosed space for more then 10 minutes. **Hell. Will. Break. Lose**. Ulquiorra was restraining himself from strangling Grimmjow; Szayel WAS strangling Grimmjow and Halibel was beating up Nnoitora for having the nerve to try and sneak his hand into her shirt. Gin nodded and took a picture when no one was looking; he stared at his new masterpiece for the scrapbook (named Stupid Stuff Arrancar do) and chuckled. Ulquiorra was reaching over to strangle Grimmjow with a glare on his face, Szayel was strangling Grimmjow, his teeth bared and Halibel had Nnoitora in a painful headlock. Gin had managed to squish himself in the picture doing the peace sign and his usual face expression in place.

Soon the cab ride was over and everyone was tired; beating each other up consumes a lot of energy you know. They fell out the car when Gin opened the door, although Ulquiorra had somehow managed to land on his feet, even when his head was leaning on the door that opened. Everyone got up quickly and watched the second cab come by. They had to walk through a short park (part of the resort) to get to the hotel, they were destined to stay at. They passed a sign that said "Welcome to St. Martin's Orient Spa and Beach Resort" and was decorated with colourful flowers and birds. "OI I CAN SEE SOMETHING UP AHEAD!!" Grimmjow called running up ahead, the Espada followed, albeit reluctantly. They discovered a large stretch of beach, over flowing with people near a crystal blue sea and lavish looking hotel.

"Oh…My…Aizen…" Nnoitora whispered. Ulquiorra looked at Grimmjow disgusted "Grimmjow, what the fu-" Before Ulquiorra could finish his statement, he was hit in the face with about 4 pieces of clothing, 3 boxers and, God forbid, a thong.

"NUDE BEACH!!!!!!" He heard Grimmjow, Nnoitora, Szayel and Stark, yes the lazy as hell Espada yell, as they ran, arms in the air as naked as the day Aizen made them. They canon-balled into the blue sea. Tousen and Ulquiorra cringed, Halibel shook her head and Gin's grin increased ten-fold. Ulquiorra peeled the thong (which had somehow got tangled on his hair) and quickly dropped it to the floor, looking at it in malice; he could just make out the scratchy initials engraved in it. Kinda like a backwards G and J, Anyhow Ulquiorra shuddered and stepped away from the article of clothing. "Gin-sama, you can't really expect us to stay here can you? It's-it's disgraceful!!" Ulquiorra asked. Gin turned to Ulquiorra "You know what they say Emo-chan!" Ulquiorra went silent "If you can't beat them," "Oh please dear god no…" "JOIN 'EM!!!" Gin was in full sprint, now butt nekkid as well. They (excluding Tousen) watched Gin follow the espada's example and canon-balled the sea, sending a large wave over to the other Espada. Ulquiorra nudged Gin's clothes, he shuddered, there weren't any type of underwear in the pile.

"Oh my god I can see their family jewels…" Halibel said shifting her head away. She went up to Ulquiorra and patted him on the shoulder sympathetically "Tousen-sama, I'm going to check out the spa, I'll meet you in the hotel, hopefully they wear clothes in the spa" She said to the blind man Tousen nodded "Don't be too long and be careful, I don't trust these humans… Come on Ulquiorra we have to go and get rooms" Ulquiorra nodded and lead Tousen to the hotel, Wonderweiss was busying himself by watching a lady's boobs bounce up and down as she played volleyball with her nude friends, it looked like Nnoitora and Grimmjow was asking if they could play as well. "Tousen-sama, be glad your blind" Ulquiorra said ignoring some girls who were trying to make their exposed cleavage bigger so he would notice them, it didn't work and they pouted miserably (_**no it's not me XD**_) Tousen nodded and grasped tighter onto Wonderweiss's hand as he was about to walk off somewhere.

Ulquiorra was stood infront of the desk counter; a lady was smiling sweetly at him. "Hello sir, welcome to St Martin's orient, how may I help you today?" She asked Ulquiorra thought over his words carefully and saw a couple walk by saying something about a honeymoon, he figured it was another human term for "Vacation" since one of the couple said "What a wonderful honeymoon were having!" Tousen was sit in a chair in the lobby playing with Wonderweiss, basically throwing a ball and Wonderweiss caught it.

"Um yeah, My partner and I are on this honeymoon, thing with uh, 6 of my friends, could we have 4 rooms for 10 days… please?" He inwardly grimaced at the thought of saying please, to a human, ugh how degrading, he thought.

"Hmm ok, Sarah could you bring me room keys, oh I'm sorry, what type of rooms would you like for your friends? We have, in order of expenses, the humble rooms, the house, rooms, mansion rooms and finally the imperial suites!"

Ulquiorra just shrugged "Uh, the imperial suites then, what type of room are my partner and I getting?" He asked slightly suspicious.

The lady smiled as she waited for one of the other worker to return with the keys "Your getting one of our special honeymoon suites, reserved especially for 'partners' to spend a lovely honeymoon! It's one of best rooms!" She said. The worker came back holding 3 keys with keychains of the beach on them and a special heart shaped keychain. "This one- she pointed to the heart shaped key and keychain- is your honeymoon suite, I hope you, your partner and-" She was cut off when a very wet and VERY naked Grimmjow stood beside Ulquiorra asking to get a towel, wait, asking? Hell he was demanding for a towel. Ulquiorra rolled his eyes and pointed to the bags, that were being loaded onto the bell boy's cart."This is my partner," He muttered as Grimmjow threw out random pieces of clothing onto the floor and pulled out a towel that had Number 6 and His name embroidered on it in curvy light blue writing (Gin's secret hobby XD) The lady behind the counter blushed a deep hue and nodded

"If, you c-could just sign h-here! As well as your friend's names w-we'll be sure to direct them to their r-rooms" She said holding a form and pen, Ulquiorra signed it swiftly in curvy writing "H-here, are your keys. I-I hope you enjoy your s-stay here!" She said just managing a smile back onto her face. Ulquiorra nodded curtly and began helping the bell boy pick up the clothes that Grimmjow had strewn carelessly across the floor. The lady told the bell boy where to go and Tousen, Wonderweiss and Ulquiorra followed quietly. The lady blushed more when Grimmjow came back looking for Ulquiorra. She was off shift when her friend's at the hotel noticed she was blushing

"Why are you blushing?" One of them asked

"I just gave a honeymoon suite to a gay couple!" She said shakily "And they look so cute together!"

Just then all her friends squealed as well as her, somewhere else Ulquiorra sneezed at the exact same time as Grimmjow.

_**HAR **__**HAR**____**HAR**__** well I hope I managed to mind rape you peoples, or at least opened you up to the world of **__**pervyness**__** lol XD well you know the drill R&R OR DIE MWAHAHAHAHAHA lolz hope you enjoyed that, it'**__**s not finished though**__**, the adventure still has to happen**__**, so as for now, LOOK FORWARD FOR ADVENTURES ON THE NUDE BEACH!!!**_______


	5. Bunny Costume!

_**HA HA HA I AM SUCCESSFUL IN MIND-RAPING YOU ALL XD god I loved the reviews that you ppl sent me I think my most favourite one was "****you scare me...I think the Espada need to look up the word 'honeymoon' in a dictionary before they start using it or people will get the wrong idea. XDUpdate soon !" by CandleLight-Soul and "So fking hilarious- I don't know how you do it" by Etha0 yes I don't know how I do it either lol. I really REALLY wanna thank Hearii, instant source of inspiration XD yes indeed I am very weird X3 BUT THAT'S WHY YOU ALL LOVE MEH well some of you anyways. Yeah, carrying on. Now,**** for my mind-raping pleasure, the next chapter in this cracky story tale XD **_

Tousen had taken a key from Ulquiorra and walked a couple of meters down the hall to his and Wonderweiss's room. Nodding at Ulquiorra he stepped into his temporary room. Ulquiorra thanked the bell boy (again he inwardly grimaced) and paid him a handsome tip, before the bell boy bowed and walked back the way he came. Ulquiorra stuck the key into the lock and was about to open it, when Grimmjow came running and skidded across the floor, stopping right beside Ulquiorra. "What do you want Grimmjow?" Ulquiorra muttered, key still in the lock. Grimmjow grinned "I wanna try out something called room service, these girls down at the beach said that you can order anything!!!"

"Hmm" Ulquiorra…hmmed? Yeah let's go with that. Ulquiorra turned the key in the lock and opened it slowly. The two Espada were surprised with what their room looked like. Let's begin the description (ahem)

It was rather big, especially for a hotel room; the walls were a lovely cream colour (**_in my opinion obviously_**) there was a large flat screen TV. On the wall, surrounded by (**_le gasp_**) pink and red hearts, the bathroom was really big and had a large bath in the shape of a heart (_**ohh more hearts**)_ surrounded by LOADS of scented candles (Ulquiorra nearly gagged, the intercepting smells were horrible). Slap bang in the middle of the room was a rather large heart shaped bed, that had some kinda control panel at the side and right next to the bed was a marble table brandishing a phone with various numbers and a menu. on the far end of the room was a red loveseat (**_you know these special kinda two chair sofas, god I love them, they're so comfortable 8D_**) which was next to a door, that lead out to a balcony, with a spectacular view of the sun setting and the ocean sparkling. In the middle of the room was a large chandelier with a multitude of diamonds and crystals sparkling, giving off rainbow slips of light.

Grimmjow smacked Ulquiorra across the head, "You just had to choose the gay room didn't you?" He said walking slowly into the room. Ulquiorra glare intensified and growled when Grimmjow easily dodged his foot. "OI EMO CLOWN THERE'S ONLY ONE BED!!!" Ulquiorra did something very out of character and started banging his head on the wall multiple times. "AND LIKE HELL I'M SHARING A BED WITH YOU!!!" Ulquiorra stopped and thought about what Grimmjow just said; if it was possible, you could see his mouth turn into a mischievous upside down frown. He walked into the room, brought in his stuff and shoved them under the bed. Pulling out a small book from Grimmjow's bag, he went and sat on the bed, reading. Grimmjow poked his head out from the bathroom holding what looked like a half eaten clear yellow bar. "They have some funky mints here," He said looking at the bar strangely. Ulquiorra put down the book and looked at Grimmjow. "That's a bar of soap Grimmjow…" "Oh…that makes sense…" He said spitting out the soap into the sink.

"Where you gonna sleep cuz u aren't sleeping with me!" Grimmjow said, coming outta the bathroom. Ulquiorra picked up the book. "I know, cuz you're sleeping on the couch," He said turning a page. Grimmjow sneered and fly tackled Ulquiorra, who was surprisingly unfazed about the fact that Grimmjow was leaning over him in nothing but a towel (**_I KNOW MOST OF YOU FANGIRLS ARE SCREAMING YAOI MOMENT XD_**). "Get off my bed Uliwhora…" He growled. Ulquiorra didn't say anything and just turned a page in the book. Grimmjow put his hand around Ulquiorra's neck and glared at him. "Get. Off. My. Bed. NOW!" He yelled, Ulquiorra shook his head, and Grimmjow raised his fist; hey, if it's a fight he wants it's a fight he gets, Grimmjow thought, beaming at the idea of punching Ulquiorra in the face. As his fist came down, Ulquiorra just flicked his legs up getting Grimmjow in the crotch. Ouch, no protection or nothing either. Grimmjow winced and toppled off the bed as Ulquiorra turned the page yet again. "Couch…" Ulquiorra muttered, pointing to the love seat, Grimmjow scowled and managed to hobble over to the love seat without yelling out in pain. He curled up into a ball and muttered mean things about Ulquiorra; who was smirking at how easy it was to get Grimmjow to participate with his orders. "Grimmjow…" Grimmjow glanced up from his curled up position and kinda hissed at Ulquiorra. Grimmjow was hit in the face by a bunch of clothes. 'REVENGE!!!!' was the only thing going through Ulquiorra's mind at that moment in time. "What the hell?" Grimmjow's voice was kinda squeaky because of the pain in his groin. Ulquiorra had to stop himself from laughing at Grimmjow's voice "Put some clothes on; seeing you naked isn't exactly a highlight of my day." He muttered, turning another page in the book.

Grimmjow growled "What if I don't want to put some clothes on?" "Then I'll lock you outside the room" Ulquiorra stated simply. Grimmjow narrowed his eyes into slits "You wouldn't dare…" Ulquiorra turned to face Grimmjow "Try me…" he answered. Ulquiorra dodged the clothes he'd thrown at Grimmjow, which ironically enough Grimmjow had thrown at him. Grimmjow made himself into a more comfortable position on the sofa "Fucking emo pansy…probably ashamed at my manly body…" he mumbled, before trying to go to sleep. 2 minutes of closing his eyes, he felt a breeze in between his legs, and brush past his face. Grimmjow sat up and looked around, he wasn't in the hotel room anymore, he was outside…in the hallway…without his towel….' Damn…he meant it…how the hell did he get me out here without me noticing?' he thought. 'Fuck, its cold…' Grimmjow heard footsteps come up from the stairwell at the other end of the hall. He twitched, from the cold of course.

'Ugh, I can't believe you can only wear a bath robe at the spa, although that masseuse does wonders for my back' Halibel thought as she climbed up the fourth flight of stairs. "Gawd I'm tired, bloody hell, why couldn't Ulquiorra leave the key with the receptionist? Would've been much easier for me, at least." She said to no one in particular. Halibel stopped on the sixth flight and began walking down the hallway. The first thing she noticed was Grimmjow, sitting outside a hotel door shivering and naked. "Oh god," She winced and looked away "put some damn clothes on Grimmjow, no one wants to see your nuts, save it for the beach" Grimmjow glared at Halibel "Ulquiorra threw me out the room, because I wouldn't put any goddamn clothes on" Halibel snorted "Smart move, I would've thrown you out the window" She said, cringing when Grimmjow stood up.

She knocked on the hotel door, it opened slowly and Grimmjow charged in, Ulquiorra stepped to the side, which meant that Grimmjow ran further then needed, and ended up on the balcony. Ulquiorra walked over to the balcony door and locked it. Halibel started laughing; she doubled over when Grimmjow had just realized what happened, and was trying to undo the lock. Ulquiorra simply pointed over to the chair outside, which had a load of clothes on it. Grimmjow scowled and sat point blank on the balcony floor, glaring at the lock, as if it would cave in or melt at his glare; kinda like a childish tantrum. Ulquiorra rolled his eyes and then turned around to Halibel who was leaning on the wall and holding her sides.

"Shall I take it your only here to laugh at Grimmjow's misfortune? Or is there some other reason for you coming to my door?" He asked same wall-like expression on his face. Halibel was still laughing, and Ulquiorra waited calmly for her to calm down. Eventually she stopped laughing and had the normal Espada expression on. "The people downstairs said you had my keys" Ulquiorra nodded and disappeared somewhere into the room, giving Halibel an opportunity to have a good look at the room Grimmjow and Ulquiorra would be sharing over the vicinity of 10 days. 'It's quite nice in here' she thought sitting on the bed. 'I wonder if all the rooms are like this; probably be one good thing about staying here' Halibel's thoughts were interrupted when Ulquiorra came back, holding up three keys.

"Choose one" He said. Halibel took the keys in the middle of his hand. "That room's next to mine and Tousen's" She nodded and walked off to her room. Stark had just come up the stairs holding his clothes, and wearing a towel. He looked at Ulquiorra and grinned "There were naked girls, EVERYWHERE!!!!" Stark walked off to where Halibel went with a look of achievement on his face. Ulquiorra could hear shouting and the sound of stuff breaking in the room next to him. ' Probably didn't want to put clothes on either' He was about to close the door, when he heard Gin, Szayel and Nnoitora coming up the stairs, Szayel was laughing at Nnoitora, who was getting pissed off and tried hitting Szayel, but missed making Gin laugh as well.

All three stood outside Ulquiorra's door, which he opened expectantly. Ulquiorra managed to stifle a chuckle into his sleeve; Nnoitora's face was bright red and looked slightly swollen around his cheeks. "What happened to him?" Ulquiorra asked looking at Gin for an answer, Szayel answered him instead. "Nnoitora had some very bad pick lines, those," He pointed at Nnoitora's face "Are the result of girls slapping him repeatedly, before screaming and running away," Szayel and Gin burst out laughing again. Through the laughter, Ulquiorra could make out that Szayel had also said "Some girl hit him round the face with a bat!" Ulquiorra nearly started laughing, but appearances needed to be kept. He quickly shoved the remaining keys into Gin's and Szayel's hand, closing the door quickly, he ran into the bathroom and began (shudders) laughing uncontrollably. Eventually he'd calmed down and walked out the bathroom and looked out the balcony.

Grimmjow looked pitiful, he was wearing underwear at least, but was glaring at the clothes, or "suit" he was given, he noticed Ulquiorra and glared at him, with a Wtf? Face. On the chair was a large bunny outfit, a large PINK bunny outfit, complete with bow and a giant fluffy tail. Ulquiorra shrugged and went to lie down on his bed, reading the book he'd started before. Grimmjow looked reluctantly at the suit and put it on. 'This is scarily comfortable' he thought, before rapping on the balcony door angrily. Ulquiorra turned over and nearly fell off the bed when he saw that Grimmjow was actually wearing the bunny suit. Grimmjow's blue hair and eyes clashed horribly with the pink white bunny suit. Ulquiorra stood up and was about to open the balcony, when someone knocked on the door. He turned around and started walking towards the door. Grimmjow was furious, not only was the bunny costume eerily comfortable, the emo bastard had the nerve to get to the hotel door before opening the balcony door.

Gin was standing out side the door (with clothes on), grin wider then usual and he was holding his camera. "I wanted to get a picture of everyone, so I thought that your room would be-" Gin stopped because he had just noticed Grimmjow "My, My what've you done to Grimmy-kun, Emo-chan? He looks absolutely adorable!" Gin stepped into the room and took a picture, smiling happily at yet another piece for his scrapbook; it would earn a place right next to when Ulquiorra had tricked Grimmjow into wearing a parrot suit, how? No one knew… Tousen, Wonderweiss, Szayel, Nnoitora, Halibel and Stark were now standing behind Gin and had began laughing at Grimmjow. Grimmjow flipped them off and turned around, his back to everyone. Ulquiorra opened the balcony door and dragged Grimmjow by the scruff of the costume's neck, into the room. Grimmjow growled and tried to get away, but Ulquiorra put his foot on the bunny costume's tail, preventing Grimmjow from going anywhere. "Everyone get on the bed I'm about to take the picture!" Gin said. Since Grimmjow refused to move, Ulquiorra had to pick him up and placed him right in the middle. Szayel and Nnoitora were behind him (Nnoitora's cheeks had began to go down, although they were still quite swollen) Followed by Wonderweiss, Halibel and Stark, so Ulquiorra and Tousen were at the back. Grimmjow sat; arms crossed glaring at the camera in Gin's hand.

"Ok now everyone say, uh…Aizen-sama!" Gin said happily, no one said anything, "Fuck you" Grimmjow muttered, Gin frowned but took the picture anyways. "And one more for luck! 3, 2,-" "God you look gay Grimmjow" Szayel whispered smirking, Grimmjow bit down on Szayel's foot, which made him swear loudly and kick Grimmjow in his cheek, hitting Nnoitora with his other foot, which then made him fall into Halibel's chest, making her scream and hit Nnoitora repeatedly, even though his head got stuck. Stark was rubbing his head and frowning, Wonderweiss clapped and laughed happily. Ulquiorra glared at Grimmjow, who had started off the chain of reactions and Tousen was shouting at everyone to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" "Perfect" Gin thought happily, he took the picture, while squashing himself into it, pulling down an eye and sticking out his tongue.

The picture was actually really entertaining. Grimmjow was being kicked in the face, whilst still in the bunny outfit. Szayel had a shocked/painful expression on his face; Nnoitora was flailing his arms because his head was stuck In Halibel's chest, who was screaming and punching him repeatedly. Ulquiorra had just lunged across the bed towards Grimmjow, so it liked he was flying, Wonderweiss was watching Ulquiorra and was about to copy him and Tousen was holding Wonderweiss. In the corner, who was the only one who looked like he was enjoying himself, was Gin pulling his eyelid down and sticking his tongue out.

What a way to end the day… Now that I think about it, Grimmjow never really did get the chance to use room service XD

_**LOLZ a relatively normal chapter at the moment and yet another piece for Gin's special collection, put your hand if you can imagine Grimmjow in a parrot suit? (puts up hand) awesomeness XD if someone could draw that I would LOVE THEM XD in case you were wondering Ulquiorra was reading Grimmjow's 'manly' diary XD yeah well R&R and don't worry I wont be mind-raping anytime soon…. MWAHAHAHAHAHA(cough hack cough)HAHAHAHA You've Read it now REVIEW IT that's right click the shiny purple button….click it….click****it…. lol well yeah BYEZBYEZ!! Until next time…BWAHAHAHAHAA(cough hack cough) god damn it**_


	6. Fangirls of DOOM MWAHAHAHAHA

_**In today's chapter, I will have a special guess her name is HEARII!!! (Claps and cheers) even though she will be noticed in a considerably small part, I will also appear in this chapter alongside her. XD Where? If you're smart enough, you may find out. XD For all those who want to see Grimmbunny (Grimmjow in his little bunny suit) tell me and I'll send it you (it must be hotmail or AOL though. Sorry if it doesn't work. Perhaps I could put it on photobucket?) or put it as my display picture (if it shows up). Well onwards TO THE CRACKY TALE!!! Let's see how well the Espada go up against the most evilest, most vicious known creatures in the world; that's right, I'm talking about…Fangirls! (Cue lightning and thunder)**_

Much to Grimmjow's dismay, Ulquiorra had found out what the control panel on the side of the bed did; it made the giant bed vibrate. Ulquiorra had liked it very much, the sensation given off from the bed was comforting in a way, and he now had it buzzing quietly as he slept. Grimmjow rolled over on his sofa. Sure, it was soft, had a lot of pillows, and Ulquiorra also had the decency to give him a blanket, as there were two blankets and a duvet on the bed that Ulquiorra was sleeping on, but he still didn't like the fact that he watched the emo bastard go to sleep with a (Lord thought we would never see it) a small smile on his face.

'Goddamn him,' Grimmjow thought, now pissed off by the small breeze that fluttered in from outside. The emo had found out that you could also heat the damned bed up by using that control panel thing. Not that he needed it anyways, what with being covered a blanket and a three centimeter thick duvet. Probably what angered Grimmjow most was that there was more than three quarters of the bed that Ulquiorra wasn't using. Hell, the emo fag was curled up in the duvet and blanket in one corner!

'He should at least be using what he's got!' Grimmjow thought angrily. The bloody sofa wasn't even long enough for his **knees** to stretch out. At least if he was on the bed he would stretch out to the full extent of his limbs.

Grimmjow tried to go to sleep, but the thoughts cascading through his head made it hard for him to even close his eyes. Grimmjow rolled on his back and stared at the chandelier. It glimmered and Grimmjow scowled. 'Thirsty,' he thought standing up, walking to the small make shift kitchen that was on the other side of _Ulquiorra's_ bed. Grimmjow grabbed a cup and filled it to the brim with cold water. He drank half the cup while looking at Ulquiorra from the corner of his eye. Grimmjow looked between the half empty (half full?) cup and back at Ulquiorra, whose hand was lightly swaying off the bed. Grimmjow grinned and emptied the rest of the water into the sink, filled it up with warm water and walked over to Ulquiorra.

Grimmjow carefully lifted Ulquiorra's hand up and put it in the water. Ulquiorra scrunched up his face slightly and Grimmjow was about to panic. But then, when Ulquiorra's normal expression came back on, Grimmjow's grin reappeared. Satisfied, Grimmjow placed the cup on the table, extremely proud that he was successful in his trick. He turned around to go back to his sofa; hell, it seemed a lot more comfortable now that he had somehow managed to prank the bastard.

Suddenly, a cold hand clasped tightly onto his wrist. Grimmjow was pulled towards the bed, and came face to face with Ulquiorra, who was glaring at him with slitted eyes.

"Grimmjow," he hissed, beginning to sit up. "Why did you put my hand in warm water?" He asked darkly.

"You're supposed to be asleep dumbass," Grimmjow managed to growl out after a few seconds of awkward silence. He winced slightly when Ulquiorra's grip tightened. "Leave me the fuck alone, you emo-fag! I wanna go to sleep!" He said through gritted teeth. Grimmjow could sense that Ulquiorra was glaring at him through the darkness, but the vice grip on his hand slipped and Grimmjow walked back to his sofa, smirking victoriously.

As soon as Ulquiorra could hear Grimmjow snore, he lifted up the covers and stared at the patch in between his legs. He was relieved that it wasn't what he thought it was. It was just sweat, since there wasn't anything on the bed and it was surprisingly hot.

'Maybe I don't need the extra blanket.' he thought offhandedly. Just before he tossed the blanket to the side, Ulquiorra noticed Grimmjow growl slightly and shiver a bit out of the corner of his green eyes. Without so much as a second thought, he threw it over to the blue-haired man on the couch, watching it land slowly on his head. Grimmjow snorted and rolled off the couch completely, now becoming a tangled mess between two blankets. Ulquiorra would've taken a picture but he didn't have a camera, it was too dark without a flash (that certainly would have woken the Sixth Espada), Grimmjow would most likely tell the world about the nearly successful prank in retaliation.

Rolling his eyes, Ulquiorra settled himself back down on the bed and allowed himself to be lulled back to sleep by the vibrating bed; God damn, did it feel good...

Strangely enough, Grimmjow was the first person awake that morning. He tried standing up and failed miserably, tripping over the blankets that had somehow managed to wind themselves around his feet. He cursed and began pulling at the the sheets. After realizing the sheets were bound very tightly around himself (and he was beginning to suspect that Ulquiorra had something to do with this), he did what his "Adujchas' Instinct" told him to do.

Grimmjow bared his teeth and began gnawing furiously at the blankets. He rolled around, too, and before he knew it he was wrestling the blankets. Once or twice, (not that he cared) Grimmjow had rolled too far and bumped into Ulquiorra's bed, making the inhabitant move closer to the edge than he already was.

Grimmjow growled and bumped into the bed again, making Ulquiorra fall off completely. Ulquiorra jerked awake with a loud swear and rubbed his head of where he landed. He looked over at Grimmjow, who was messing around in ripped up shreds of blankets, fumbling to untangle himself.

Ulquiorra, now supremely pissed off, gingerly poked a small bump forming at the back of his head. He walked over to the feral Grimmjow and casually (yet swiftly) pulled at a lone piece of sheet. Grimmjow was raised up into the air, flailing helplessly and swearing. But, much stronger than he looks, Ulquiorra gave the tangled mess one big jerk and Grimmjow was suddenly laying sprawled on the floor as Ulquiorra had a good look at the two blankets. Both slightly wet with drool and had large holes everywhere, forcing Ulquiorra to hold them between a thumb and forefinger. Ulquiorra grimaced and kicked Grimmjow squarely in the head. The victim growled and sat up, glaring profusely at the man now walking over to the make shift kitchen.

Grimmjow stood up and scratched unconsciously behind his ear, stretching out his legs happily. In the kitchen, Ulquiorra decided to make toast. He threw one over his shoulder, which was caught in the air when Grimmjow jumped on all fours.

Grimmjow immediately coughed and spat it out. "What the hell did you put on this? Crap?" he choked.

Apathetically, Ulquiorra turned around with the cutting knife in his hand and some toast in his mouth. He threw the knife at Grimmjow's head and it sailed past his hair and a few blue hairs fell to the ground. The knife then sailed out the open window and across the small courtyard opening, into another window.

In a different room, a large amount of Nnoitora's hair off. Now there was a short patch where the long, oddly well taken care of hair had been. Nnoitora screamed and Szayel did all that he could to calm the whale man down, which was telling the man he'd make new hair for him.

**BACK IN THE KITCHEN!**

"Its marmalade, idiot. It came with the room," Ulquiorra answered swallowing the toast and turning around. "Now hurry up, Gin told everyone to meet downstairs in the lobby,"

Grimmjow stared at Ulquiorra "When the hell did he say that?"

Ulquiorra swallowed some more toast. "When you were busy in the bathroom, trying to take off the bunny costume." Grimmjow swore he saw Ulquiorra's eyes brighten a bit, but it could have been the lighting.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE PUT ON THE DAMNED THING ON. IT TURNED OUT TO BE A GIGAI FOR AIZEN'S SAKE!" Grimmjow growled and flew across the room landing on Ulquiorra in an exact replica position from last night, when they were fighting over the bed.

"Room service!" came a muffled voice from the door. Neither of the Arrancar said anything, choosing to ignore the voice and continued to glare at each other. The maid outside the room shrugged and hummed a happy tune as she used the master key to unlock the room.

Ulquiorra and Grimmjow sensed a rather small reiatsu come through the door, not that they cared. 'Probably a filthy human…' Grimmjow thought, although not actually wondering why the human was there in the first place. He was about to get up and question the damned "thing" why it was here, but was pulled back down by Ulquiorra.

'Don't. Move.' He mouthed silently.

"What?" Grimmjow asked loudly. This caught the maid's attention and she quickly replaced the destroyed blankets before hurrying over to where the noise came from. (Yes, she had to hurry; the room was so god damn big and she needed to fit at least three more rooms in before break.)

Ulquiorra restrained from punching Grimmjow in the nose and smacking his forehead at the same time. "Dumbass" he hissed quietly.

"Crap, I hope there aren't any mice here!" the maid said to no one in particular when she walked into the next room. "Ahh, what a messy kitchen," she sighed. "They still left the bread and marmalade out. I'd better replace them..." She sighed again.

Ulquiorra swore and Grimmjow growled lowly. They saw the maid's shoes walk towards them; the Espada realized she looked no older then 18 – 19 tops – and she was holding a new packet of bread and some cleaning material; something called Mr. Muscle. The maid stopped when she noticed Grimmjow and Ulquiorra glaring at her…on the floor…in the "This isn't what you think really, although it looks like it" position.

"Do you mind?" Grimmjow barked gruffly. "I'm about to do something important," he said slightly annoyed that his fight was interrupted. The maid blushed a deep hue and felt a nosebleed coming on.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't- you see I- um but, you really shouldn't-I didn't mean to- Oh my god, that's hot…" She settled on, dazed. A blush lit up her face when she realized her last statement had slipped through her thoughts, and quickly backed away with a low bow. "I'm sorry, this won't happen again! I promise that I'll ne-"

"Leave…now…" Ulquiorra hissed getting annoyed at the maid's stare.

"Y-yes, right away!" The maid stuttered and ran out the room quickly, holding her nose and leaving a slight trail of blood behind her. The maid collapsed outside the door, holding back a major blood flow. 'I-I wonder if I could get a picture without them noticing…' She thought pulling out a camera cellphone. 'Okay, I go in; take a quick picture; get out before they notice.' She prayed to not die. '1, 2, 3!'

The maid quickly opened the door and took a picture; the sound startled the Espada into Grimmjow fell on top of Ulquiorra, which the maid took another picture of. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow went colorblind over the next few seconds. Ulquiorra pushed the dazed Grimmjow off of himself and tried to stand up, using the bed as a support. He staggered over to the door and pulled it open, looking around the passageway Ulquiorra noticed a girl giggling madly and running down the stairs. 'It's the damn maid from before,' he cursed.

Just then, Stark and Halibel stepped out from their room. Stark had a white sleeve less shirt on, with some random black shorts, completing the look with a shark tooth necklace and some kind of board he was holding. Halibel was wearing a sun hat (borrowed from Gin), a blue skirt, and white sleeveless top. She also had a beach bag at her side.

"Oi, Ulquiorra, I heard that there's a small part of the beach where you can wear clothes. You wanna come?" She said, walking casually over. Ulquiorra managed to pull himself up completely and brushed himself off. Grimmjow came up behind him and leaned on the wall, looking bored as ever.

"She's right, though kinda pissed about it. But, I'm pretty sure that you can be a queer in peace over there-" Grimmjow grinned and smirked when Ulquiorra threw a punch and missed. "Stark are you going with Halibel and Emo-fag-" insert kick here "-or coming down to the nude beach?"

Stark grinned. "You know where I'm going. Hell, I'm not wearing anything underneath!" After that statement, Halibel sidestepped away from Stark and was now standing opposite all three male Arrancar.

"You comin', Grimmjow? I saw some girls eyein' ya up yesterday." Gin appeared from nowhere, wearing a towel around his waist. Hell, be damned he was standing right behind Halibel. Gin rested his chin on Halibel's shoulder in a friendly manner, same smile in place. "Szayel and Nnoitra are already at the beach and Tousen is taking Wonderweiss for a stroll," he said, Halibel suppressed the urge to shudder at her superior's closeness.

Grimmjow grinned. "I'm there! You guys wait up. Oi emo, you should come too. Who knows? You might find your one, true, gay love!" Grimmjow was kicked in the face by Ulquiorra's foot. He laughed anyways and walked out the room with a towel in his arms. "What do you suppose Szayel and Nnoitora are doing?" Grimmjow asked Stark.

Stark shrugged. "Dunno."

_**WITH SZAYEL AND NNOITORA!!!!**_

_**(some parts may be rated M, or T can't tell but meh)**_

Both Espada were floating around in the water. Nnoitora was searching for fish and Szayel was just swimming around.

A teenage boy swam up to Szayel and grinned pervertedly. "What do you want?" Szayel asked, disturbed out by the pervy smile.

"Hey babe, what'cha you doing in a place like this?" The boy asked, edging slightly closer. Szayel sat up in the water, so that his torso was visible. "I'm a guy…" He said glaring at the boy. The boy nearly retched and swam far, far, far away from the pink haired man. Nnoitora, listening in, burst out laughing and nearly drowned because of all the seawater pouring into his mouth. Szayel glared at him and returned to his floating position.

Again, he was disturbed by yet another teenage boy, although this one looked slightly older then the last.

"Hi, I'm gonna need a name to match the face that I'm gonna jerk off to later." This one was closer then the last. Szayel twitched and stood up fully. The boy twitched and laughed nervously, before disappearing under the water; if you looked closely, you could see a human torpedo.

Nnoitora was holding a fish he'd just caught and cracked up again, he slipped and landed on his fish. Szayel growled and threw a conch shell at Nnoitora's head. Just as Nnoitora regained his composure, another random guy came up to Szayel. "Wanna fuck?" Short, sweet, and straight to the point. Nnoitora slipped and started laughing again, holding his sides and rolling around in sand, landing on a crab somewhere in between. Nnoitora yelled and ran around with the crab hanging onto his left butt cheek. He seemed to be doing that a lot…

Szayel stood up fully again and pointed in between his legs "YOU SEE THIS BITCH????!!! IT'S BIGGER THEN YOURS SO FUCK OFF!!!!"

Predictably, the guy swam away slightly red. Nnoitora couldn't take it and started laughing again. "OH SHUT UP, YOU QUEER!" Szayel snarled at the Fifth Espada and decided it would be best if he got out of the water to sit on the beach and glare at every male that passed by him.

Elsewhere, Halibel screamed.

Gin's towel had dropped. Across the hallway Grimmjow and Stark roared with laughter. "My, my, I guess I didn't do it up right," Gin said lightly, bending over to get it. Halibel screamed and kicked Gin, before running into Ulquiorra and Grimmjow's room.

They all looked at Halibel, who was glaring at Gin from inside the room. "I hate you all…" Halibel muttered through gritted teeth.

"Now, now Hali-chan! It's not good to be tensed up on a holiday!" Gin said happily, walking over and started dragging Halibel out the room by her collar. 'Help me!' she mouthed to Ulquiorra, someone who actually had some sense in the current situation. Ulquiorra shrugged. Well, what _could _you do in a situation like this? Grimmjow and Stark followed afterwards, laughing their heads off as Halibel scowled all the way down the stairs, Gin was humming the Barney song. Why? Who knows?

Ulquiorra sat on the bed and flicked through the channels on the television. "Gay…Drama…Porn…Porn...Bunny…Shi…ni…gami?…Bleach?...Naruto…Porn…" He muttered, wondering why the hotel allowed so much porn. He didn't know and assumed his idiot roommate had purchased the channels when he wasn't there.

Ulquiorra settled on a cartoon that had a mouse, frequently pissing off a cat. At the same time, he thought over what Grimmjow had said/mocked to him. Ulquiorra turned off the TV and sat up. It was a holiday, he may as well do something holiday...-ish.

Ulquiorra grabbed some swimming trunks and a towel and left the room, tucking a card key into his pocket. He walked down the stairs, ignoring all the blushes, swoons and the occasional mummer of "Oh my god, isn't he the one from the gay couple?", "Kawaii! I bet he's the uke!", and "Cheryll said that they were doing it ALL night long".

Ulquiorra stepped out onto the hotel's front; the beach was empty, not a life form in sight. Ulquiorra looked around quickly, wondering if he'd somehow gotten on to the wrong place. After a few minutes he shrugged and was about to go back to his room (Grimmjow's diary was extremely interesting. Who would know that he slept with a panther plush on the first few nights of being an Espada?), when he heard a quiet rumbling. Ulquiorra noticed that things had begun to shake around him. He easily steadied himself.

'An earthquake?' he thought. The rumbling grew louder and he saw Halibel run by, screaming at the top of her lungs. "Hali-" He began but was interrupted. Ulquiorra watched a horde of boys; horde? Screw that, **city** of (naked) boys running after her. He managed to make out some of the words they were screaming "MARRY ME!!!", "YOUR BOOBS ARE HUGE!!!", "BEAR MY BABIES!!!" and other perverted declarations.

Ulquiorra felt himself deadpan more than usual. He would've stepped out and walked slowly behind the boys just to see what'd happen, but was once again stopped when Grimmjow came and hid behind him.

"Grimmjow, what the hell are you doing?" Grimmjow put his hand over Ulquiorra's mouth and began to drag him into the hotel.

"Shh...They might hear us and-"

"THERE THEY ARE!!!"

"ZOMG YAOI!!!!"

"EEK! TAKE THEIR CLOTHES!!!"

"TO E-BAY!!!!"

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra's eyes widened considerably. "How did they find me?" Grimmjow asked, scared by the advancing girls.

While Grimmjow cowered, Ulquiorra had begun devising all the plans in his head to escape. He settled on the easiest one.

"Quick, take off your shirt, I have an idea." Grimmjow looked at Ulquiorra confused and disturbed but did as he was told. "Great, now stand still..." he warned. Grimmjow nodded.

"How is this going to help us get away?"

"I don't know about you, but it'll help me."

With that, Ulquiorra ripped Grimmjow's trousers off and pushed him into the city of girls. "HAVE HIM NOT ME!!!" He yelled before disappearing. The girls screamed louder and went to get what they could from the now crying/screaming blue-haired Espada.

Ulquiorra looked back at Grimmjow, smirking. "Every man for himself..." He stopped running when he hit something, he looked ahead about to glare the people in front of him. There in front of him, stood two grinning girls. "Where do you think you're going Ul-qui-or-ra-kun?" One said (who looked suspiciously like the maid), grinning more evilly.

"Come play with us emo-chan..." Ulquiorra whipped his head to the other one The other, who brandished a thick rope.

You could hear three simultaneous yells from Halibel, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra in Los Notches. Aizen sat up from his bubble bath. "What the hell was that?" he asked looking at the rubber duck (complete with skull fragment). He shrugged and continued the roll play of "The Giant Submarine, VS The Released Arrancar Duck of DEATH!!!!"

Unsurprisingly, the duck was winning…

_**JA NE!!!! Gawd, sorry I'm late with this, but I blame school!!! lolz, did'ja guess who was who? I hope y'all did. Now for a random comment, lord knows why. Two of my friends have come up with the idea that Ulquiorra is a panda in his released state. How? I have NO idea, but if some could draw that, eternal gratefulness XD and a main part in the storay if they feelz like it XD**_


	7. Ulquipanda 8D

_**XDDD Gawd, three yaoi requests/ suggestions already (it didn't help that I was listening to "If you were Gay" by Avenue Q XD). My god your all so awesome XD and I shall not deny that I am an UBER ULQUIGRIMM (Yes Ulquiorra is the seme, OK? Not Grimmjow, ULQUIORRA!!) FANGIRL!! HOWEVER, this story will not contain any direct Yaoi pairings, although there are small preferences if you squint, SQUINT (ok maybe squinting, is a bit of an understatement, but hey you know you like it! Hee hee hee)!! **_

_**XD lolz, wuv u allz soo much and super-special-awesome THANX TO HEARII FOR CONSTANT SUPPORT/LAUGHS/ AND RANDOM ESPADA CONVERSATIONS XDDD. Well yes enough of my drabbling, ONWARDS TO THE RANDOM AS HELL STORAY 8D REMEMBER TO REVIEW!!**_

Ulquiorra was sat in a room, a dark one no less, although some strips of light poured through cracks in the walls (he somehow thought that this sort of room would come back to haunt him). He wondered how he managed to be captured so easily, and could only figure that obviously, the gigai was interference. He wasn't allowed out of it unless Aizen-sama, Tousen-sama, or Ichimaru-sama said permitted. So, he managed to blame the gigai for about half of the problem and began to recall the moments just as he ran into the grinning girls.

**Flashback!!**

Ulquiorra looked back at Grimmjow, smirking.

"Every man for himself..." But e stopped running when he hit something, he looked ahead about to glare the people in front of him. There in front of him, stood two grinning girls.

"Where do you think you're going Ul-qui-or-ra-kun?" One said (who looked suspiciously like the maid), smirking evilly.

"Come play with us emo-chan..." Ulquiorra whipped his head to the other one, who was brandishing a thick rope.

Ulquiorra was about to run in the opposite direction, but was stopped when the maid – now off duty, obviously – shoved him down and straddled his chest, pinning him against the floor. The second girl came running and tied his arms and legs together in a hogtie knot. Once Ulquiorra was completely subdued, the girls began dragging him across the floor.

"Hehe, Hikaru, this'll be so much fun!"

"Yup! Nice hog tie, Kai!" The other, 'Hikaru', replied, giggling with a wink when Ulquiorra scowled

"Brownies; 4 years, baby! Finally, something useful I learned there!" The first girl said punching the air victoriously. The girls began to talk about her adventures in Brownies, not noticing where they were dragging the desperate Espada; eventually, he was conked out when his head hit a large metal pole that was unfortunately misplaced.

**End Flashback!!**

Ulquiorra remember hitting his head. 'how pathetic….' he thought, grimacing at the thought of being overpowered so easily by two human girls. Withholding a self-sympathetic groan, he let himself smack himself on the head for the blunder.

He had noticed his hands were surprisingly…fuzzy? Ulquiorra's mind raced. "what the hell have they done to me?" He asked aloud. On the left hand side of the wall was a full body mirror. Ulquiorra tried looking into mirror, but it was too dark and he was too far away to see anything.

Forcing out some of his reiatsu and forming a point, he broke through the bonds holding his limbs together. Ulquiorra walked calmly over to the mirror, slightly disturbed at what he thought he would see. He squinted into the mirror, noticing that there were two large and black spots drawn over his eyes, like someone put way too much eye-liner or face paint on him; he saw a vague black heart shape painted on his nose. The Black line that was added, ran downwards so it was connecting his top lip to the spot. Ulquiorra ignored the alterations on his face and stared at his clothing, er…costume…? Ironically enough, he was in a panda suit.

So this what Grimmjow must have felt like in his bunny costume; absolutely ridiculous. Wait, ridiculous was an understatement. He couldn't find a word to describe what it was like in a panda costume (except that it was scarily comfortable, although he'd never, ever admit it was).

Ulquiorra tried to pry the adorable costume off, failing miserably when he realized that there was a zipper on the back. Sadly, that was only thing that could open the damned costume. He would've thrown a tantrum, should he be any of a lesser espada or arrancar rank. But no, he just sat on the floor glaring at himself in the mirror with a pout.

Seconds seemed like hours to the small espada, as he rocked back and forth, eyebrow twitching non-stop. Ulquiorra was sure he would go insane if he stayed in the dark room – in a panda suit – any longer. He heard footsteps approach the door behind him and flinched slightly. He heard some clips of a conversation his kidnappers were having.

"Oh my god Hikaru, I know you said he was a cosplayer, but seriously…wow!" The muffled voice of the one named Kai came through.

"I know! God, you'd think he had just stepped out of the anime for a holiday or something!" Oh the sad, sad irony…

"Do you think he'd be mad that we kidnapped him and dressed him up in a Panda costume? I mean we don't even know his name."

The other girl laughed. "Course not, I'm sure he'll understand everything after we explain. After all, he **must** be another Bleach fan to cosplay Ulquiorra Schiffer!" He twitched at the sound of his name. From what he gathered, there were loads more of himself in the human world, and that they had this obsession with a show called 'Bleach'.

This was insanity.

These women must be completely mad to think he wouldn't be angry. Actually, angry couldn't even begin to explain it. He knew enough of the human would to know that humans don't go around kidnapping people for the hell of it.

"Hmm... I guess your right, but didn't you say he was gay?" Ulquiorra looked at his desperate expression in the mirror.

"Oh, right! His friend was cosplaying Grimmjow Jaegarjaques. They were probably practising for a skit or something…"

"Haha, sweet. Arrancar yaoi X3." How he heard the 'X3' in her voice made him think that their madness was contagious. "I wonder, if Ulqui-chan got M-preg, would he have kittens?" Ulquiorra wanted to break the mirror.

"Hmm…interesting concept. Although, I doubt we'd ever find out unless we kidnapped and tortured Kubo Tite, of course," the other teased.

With that, Ulquiorra's ears were filled with the chilling sound of laughter. 'These girls are evil…' He thought, shuddering. Ulquiorra wondered how in the hell they knew about the Espada, Arrancar and Grimmjow.

And once again, Ulquiorra heard the unknown word 'yaoi' come up, followed closely by M-preg, then the question about whether he would have kittens or not. (Wait, why **would** he have kittens in the first place? He doesn't even like animals, for god sake, let alone kittens.) Nevertheless, Ulquiorra didn't want to find out the meaning of those terms from "them".

He just noticed the single window high up on the wall. It was barred off (once again, this room would come back to haunt him) but there was a long three-seater sofa right next the wall.

The footsteps were closer and Ulquiorra scrambled up onto the sofa, punching through the bars and escaping through the window. The girls walked in, holding various colourful outfits, dresses and costumes but were surprised that the room was completely empty.

Hikaru pouted and folded her arms crossly. "Damn it, he got away!" she hissed frustratedly.

Kairi (_**other girl, A.K.A Me!) **_dropped the load of outfits she was holding and pulled out a small rectangular remote with a red beeping centre. "He shouldn't be too far…" She muttered, staring at the rapidly moving red dot on the rectangular device.

**MEANWHILE, FAR FAR AWAY!!**

A little boy wailed helplessly as he watched a panda swear at him and steal his parent's car. Afterwards, another panda came running by, pushing the little boy into the bushes in a desperate attempt to get to a huge hotel off in the distance. From that day onwards, that one little boy would grow up to fear, even despise, the panda and start up a "Kill Savages of The Global Community" group that specialised in killing the pandas…

Ulquiorra cautiously sneaked through dense shrubs and gardens to get back to the hotel porch, trying not to draw attention to himself – although he pushed a crying little boy into a thorn bush by accident.

He was happy (although he didn't show it) to know that the madwomen hadn't taken off the clothes he was wearing beforehand, so he could still feel the card key resting in his pocket; the only downside is that, being in a very hot country with two layers of clothing, isn't a very good idea. Since most of the panda costume was black, Ulquiorra started to feel dizzy, slightly put off by the smell that his costume was emitting.

Ulquiorra saw the beach, once again empty, and silently celebrated in his head; if the Espada – no, **anyone** – saw him like this the consequences would be dire. His reputation of being a formidable and silent killer would be down the drain. He wondered once again if this is how Grimmjow must've felt. If so, Ulquiorra must remind himself to force the Sixth Espada into animal costumes more often. At least knowing Grimmjow experienced these mixed thoughts made him feel slightly better. Ulquiorra quickly looked around again before scurrying out.

"LOOK, MUMMY! IT'S THE SEXUAL HARRASSMENT PANDA!!" (_**If you get the joke then VIVE LE SOUTH PARK XDDDD**_) a little girl cried running towards Ulquiorra, her hand grasping tightly onto an older woman's hand. Ulquiorra twitched and was about to shout at the little girl realizing that being attacked by women had gotten him into this predicament. But instead, Ulquiorra started sprinting to the hotel. If it weren't for the gigai, he'd of sonido-ed.

The receptionist was on the phone to her friend in the lobby

"Oh my god, he said **that**? Oh honey, you've gotta calm down."

"I know! God, what a bastard! I wanna distract myself from what happened last month, so just talk to me. How was work today? Anything interesting happen?"

The receptionist checked her nails in boredom. "No, same old, same old. Nothing ever ha-"

Ulquiorra ran past the receptionist and up a flight of stairs, his little panda tail flapping against his butt (XDDD gawd lolz) and the receptionist gawked with disbelieving eyes.

"Hmm what Cheryl?" the girl on the other line asked.

The receptionist twitched a bit. Finally, she said, "I don't know if you'll believe me Mira, but a panda just ran through the lobby…."

The line went silent for a little while and Cheryl thought her friend had hung up on her. "Hey Cheryl, you remember what I said about that job at the stripper club down the road? You'll get paid a lot more you know."

The receptionist contemplated that idea.

Ulquiorra sped up the stairs and skidded right outside of his temporary room. He quickly pulled out the card key (how? I have NO idea, so let's like just roll with it for now 8D) and opened the door swiftly. He would've run in but was startled by the amount of people in his room. Every single Espada that came on the trip and didn't 'mysteriously disappear', Gin, and Tousen were sitting either on the floor, the bed, or the couch surrounded by large amounts of food.

Grimmjow had a spoonful of ice-cream in his mouth and looked at Ulquiorra. Everyone went quiet. Halibel snickered, which then turned into a fit of laughter, closely followed by the ringing sounds of the other Espada's laughter. Gin took out his trusty camera and took a picture of UlquiPanda (Y_**es, I will call him that every time he's in that damned panda suit XD**_). UlquiPanda twitched uncontrollably as he the Espada fell off their seats or fell backwards, laughing endlessly.

'They're not supposed to be laughing god damn it.' Halibel collapsed on Stark and Nnoitra, tears streaming out of her eyes, Grimmjow pounded on his chest, trying to dislodge the spoon he choked on. Nnoitra and Szayel were literally rolling on the flooring, laughing to the point of suffocation. Tousen managed to sneak a chuckle into his sleeve – how he saw was a puzzler –, while Wonderweiss poked at Ulquiorra curiously.

" GOD DAMN IT, STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" Ulquiorra finally yelled when the roars didn't seem to die down. He was getting pissed off at the lack of respect (_**coughSYMPATHYcough**_) he was receiving.

"Well, Ulqui-chan, seems like fate has finally bit ya on the butt for what ya did to Grimmjow!" Gin said leaning against the wall.

Grimmjow hacked out the spoon, which sailed across the room hitting Ulquiorra squarely in the head, knocking him backwards. Everyone saw the little puffball of a tail on the costume as Ulquiorra fell backwards, and Grimmjow's laugh cascaded over the rest of it all. Ulquiorra's constant twitches turn into a full out spasm. Wonderweiss walked up to Ulquiorra and started stroking his head muttering something along the lines of "Panda-cat" this started up a whole new wave of laughter.

'Aizen, please kill me now…' UlquiPanda thought as Wonderweiss continuously petted his head.

Eventually, twelve hours later, everyone had calmed down and stopped laughing at the prospect of UlquiPanda. Although they did give him strange looks, it was enough to last.

"So UlquiPan- Ulquiorra, who or what possessed you to dress like…that?" Szayel asked sitting up and eyeing the costume. Ulquiorra thought over his answer carefully. After all, if he told the Espada that this had been done by two human girls, he'd once again be the laughing stock and if such news got to the ears of Aizen, then he may as well kiss his rank in the Espada goodbye.

" I…volunteered…for a…save the pandas campaign….and I had to…dress up as the, uh, sexual harassment panda…" Ulquiorra had to force the words out of his mouth.

Everyone went quiet again. Maybe saying I had to dress up as the sexual harassment panda' wasn't exactly the best of ideas.

Undoubtedly, the room was once again filled with the ringing sound of laughter. Everyone was rolling on the floor with laughter and half the Espada didn't even notice the pain as they fell off the bed on top of each other. Ulquiorra stormed off to the bathroom, once again his little puffball of a panda tail flapping helplessly against his backside.

Once inside, Ulquiorra attempted to take off the costume with about as much success as his lasted attempt. He figured the only way to get the damned thing off would to get someone to open it from the back but his pride took control of his judgement and Ulquiorra decided that he'd have to be only one to open the damned costume. Somehow, just then, he realised he needed to go toilet – badly.

Once again, IRONY STRIKES!

Ulquiorra mentally slapped himself and stared at the bathroom door, irritable beyond repair. Even his pride agreed that wetting himself would be a step over the line – even if he was already miles past 'the line'.

Ulquiorra poked his head out the door and saw all the Espada looking at him expectantly. "It seems that your costume has yet to come off, Emo-chan. Don't tell me you are actually liking the new change o' clothes?" Gin asked grinning happily. Nnoitra and Szayel smirked and Halibel giggled. Beside her, Grimmjow and Stark had a look of smugness pasted very clearly over their faces. Tousen was impassive and Wonderweiss entertained himself by staring at the blank television screen. Ulquiorra shook his head hurriedly and silently.

"Hmm, I guess the only other reason you'd come out is tha' you've gotten yourself inna a bit o' trouble with that li'l outfit o' yours!" Gin said again in a thinking pose. Ulquiorra nodded quickly. "So, does anyone wanna help out our Li'l Panda?" Gin called, looking around. No one said anything. Szayel coughed. Gin shrugged "Well, Li'l Panda, I'll help ya out. So what do you need?" Ulquiorra twitched; this would be way too awkward, if not just plain out random.

"Was'sat? Speak up, Panda-chan, I can't hear ya!" Gin said leaning forward with a hand cupped over his ear.

Ulquiorra twitched yet again at his new nickname but repeated what he said, slightly louder. "..."

"Still can't hear ya, come on you had the lungs to shout at us before!" Gin said, Ulquiorra swore he could see a slight change in Gin's usual grin. 'He's enjoying this…' he thought

"I need...you too help take off the panda suit, I need to go, like now…."

Gin straightened himself back up to full height and huffed. "If ya insist on being that quiet I wont be able to help ya." he said crossing his arms and put on a slight pout.

Ulquiorra couldn't take it. "**GODDAMNIT, HELP ME TAKE OFF THE FUCKING PANDA SUIT! I NEED TO PISS, BADLY!**" Ulquiorra yelled the statement and accidently brought on a whole new wave of laughter. Grimmjow was loudest, obviously, tears ran down his cheeks. Ulquiorra was sure that Grimmjow would never let him live this down.

Gin's grin came back like it had never left. 'Fucking bastard…' was the single thought running through Ulquiorra's mind at the moment.

"See, that wasn't so hard, now was it? So, whenever your ready, Emo-chan!" Gin said happily. Ulquiorra trudged back into the bathroom with Gin following closely behind him.

"I hate you so much right now…" Ulquiorra muttered under his breath. He could still hear the aggravating laughter from the bedroom, kitchen, and living room.

"Hmm? Was'sat, Emo-chan?"

"I said the zip is just under my left shoulder blade."

"An' so it is!" Gin pulled down the Zipper quickly and looked at Ulquiorra through his squinting. "There; s'all done!"

Ulquiorra stepped out the costume and kicked it away hurriedly. The costume was extremely dank, probably from sweat and being in the sun and dark room for a long time than he would ever have imagined. "Thank…you…" Ulquiorra once again forced the words out of his mouth.

"Notta problem!" Gin chirped, walking towards the door. His hand was on the handle he stopped.

"Ya know," he pondered thoughtfully. "those type of costumes can be opened from inside. All you had to do was pull back yer hand and unzip yer back," Gin said before stepping out, barely dodging a pale fist that broke through the door behind him. Gin smirked. Messing with the Espada was certainly fun.

A couple of minutes later, Ulquiorra came out the bathroom. He glaring at everyone, whom had coincidentally just started leaving. 'Thank Aizen…'

As soon as everyone had left, with exception of Grimmjow, he was sure he could hear cheering mixed in with some laughter. Ulquiorra peeked out the door and saw Gin doing a sort of victory pose, holding his hands together in a fist position and waving them in the air. He did a twirl just to finish it off. Ulquiorra slapped his forehead dragging his hand down his face, but ended up hitting himself unnecessarily hard so that made himself take a few steps back.

Grimmjow's laugh brought Ulquiorra back to reality. The smaller man turned around, glaring at his holiday partner. At that same moment in time, he'd noticed the half wet spoon at his feet. He picked it up and threw it at Grimmjow's head, where it settled nicely in his hair. Grimmjow twitched and felt around his hair for the spoon; he wanted to finish off the ice cream and rest of the food. It made him feel better after what happened today with his own fan girls.

Ulquiorra sat on 'his' bed and stared at the TV screen. At least, he tried to because Grimmjow seemed to be having a lot of difficulty finding the utensil. It was then that Ulquiorra realised that Grimmjow was wearing _his_ clothes and not his own. They were slightly bursting at the seams were the sleeves were sewn to the torso part of the shirt; the trousers Grimmjow were unbelievably tight – even thought they'd be plenty of room for Ulquiorra's legs to pass through and still have space – allowing every single part of Grimmjow's body, bottom down, visible. Ulquiorra grimaced and winced slightly when Grimmjow rolled over with his legs in the air. Turning away, he started trying to remove the image of Grimmjow's, uh… groin, in his mind. He made a note to burn those clothes later, or wash them with heavy super duty soap, or perhaps bleach; any would do, although the idea of burning them was a very popular one.

Wait, why was Grimmjow wearing his clothes in the first place?

"Grimmjow, why in hell are you wearing my clothes?" Ulquiorra asked icily.

Grimmjow sat up, holding the spoon in his hand. "Cuz I couldn't find my other clothes."

'Simpleton.' Ulquiorra thought.

"And where, exactly, are the clothes you were wearing this morning?" Ulquiorra scrutinized.

"Well, **YOU** killed my trousers, and I lost my shirt – amongst OTHER things –to those vicious vixens that **YOU** left me with. But I couldn't remember where my suitcase is…" Grimmjow answered staring at nothing in particular.

Ulquiorra nearly laughed, that moment was oddly funny. But what were these "other things" Grimmjow was talking about? Ulquiorra thought carefully and almost gagged at his given conclusion. He brought his hand to his face and sighed deeply.

"Grimmjow, for the love of all that's good and Aizen, please tell me you are NOT wearing my boxers, too."

Grimmjow stared at Ulquiorra then focused his attention on a mosquito, scratching his cheek nervously. "Well…amongst those OTHER things…I _may_ have lost mine." Ulquiorra shuddered considerably and Grimmjow thought Ulquiorra would lunge at him, and so brought up his hands in defence. Sensing nothing happening Grimmjow brought them back down. Ulquiorra was lying down on the bed, back facing towards Grimmjow.

"Grimmjow, tomorrow morning, we are going to forget this conversation ever happened. Everything that happened today was a dream and nothing more. Those clothes you're wearing will be burned and not a trace of them will be left in this abode or in a hundred mile radius of me. And for the record, your suitcase is under the bathroom sink. Now, good night…" Ulquiorra said in that familiar monotone that he had not used enough of today. Grimmjow twitched at Ulquiorra's straight statement, but shrugged. Hey, if Ulquiorra could forget what happened and not cero Grimmjow's head off, everything would be okay, right? Besides, these human clothes were rather comforting. Like Grimmjow could forget where his clothes were, now if he could just remember the suitcase combination…

The next morning, Ulquiorra was the first one awake. His nose was slightly disturbed by the burning smell coming from the bathroom; he reluctantly pushed himself up and went to check what it was. There was a small pile of ashes in the middle of the bathroom floor.

'Probably the clothes from yesterday,' he thought. And also, the opening of Grimmjow's suitcase was severely charred and burnt, like it had been blasted off. There was a familiar reiatsu emanating from the suitcase.

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes 'Idiot probably forgot the combination again. How hard is it to forget 1, 2, 3?" Ulquiorra traced his finger over the charred remains of the opening. 'He cero'd it, 5 hours ago." he guessed, staring at the golden fish clock situated on the bathroom wall. It read 10:45.

Ulquiorra turned round to leave the bathroom, greeted by the snores and occasional snorts from Grimmjow, who had, miraculously, fallen on the floor and was completely tangled in the blankets that had just been replaced. Just like the morning before...

There was a knock on the door and Ulquiorra walked over to answer it. Standing in front of him was the last person he wanted to see. Gin's normal expression in place and he was waving lightly.

"Morning, Panda-chan! How you feelin' today, hmm?" Ulquiorra stared. "I just came to tell ya tha' everyone's going to that small hotel-rest'rant bar to have a proper human breakfast! Int'restin', neh? We're all waiting downstairs for the two o' ya, so hurry up!" Gin grinned. Ulquiorra nodded and retreated back into the room.

Not wanting to waste time for his partner to wake up, Ulquiorra repeated the process of lifting up the sheets and shaking it slightly to free the victim tangled between them. Grimmjow snorted and growled as his head made contact with the ground.

"Get up and get changed. We're going downstairs to have breakfast with everyone." Ulquiorra stated simply, ignoring all the profanities aimed at him. Grimmjow sat up and stalked off into the bathroom, stretching and 'accidentally' hitting the back of Ulquiorra's head with his arm.

Ulquiorra grabbed a thick book that was beside his bedside, called "Bag of Bones", and stood by the doorway, waiting patiently for Grimmjow. Eventually Grimmjow emerged from the bathroom. He was wearing something similar to yesterday's out fit, a black open jacket over a white shirt and normal jeans and white sneaker. Strangely enough, the Espada had gained knowledge of the term "fashion" in his subconscious. Ulquiorra left with Grimmjow, following closely behind the man who was yawning and scratching his head continuously.

"Grimmjow, did you lock the door?" Ulquiorra asked, not taking his eyes off the book he was now reading.

Grimmjow waved it off. "Yeah, yeah don't worry nothing's gonna get stolen, you queer." Ulquiorra took that as a no.

The descent to the restaurant was a long and silent one, which was instantly disturbed when Gin called them both and motioned to a table, which was surrounded by everyone else.

Nnoitra rolled his eyes at the sight of the two approaching Arrancar. "God," he scoffed "what took you guys so long? Did Grimmjow get his head stuck in the toilet or something?"

Everyone snickered at Nnoitra's comment, even Grimmjow had jumped Nnoitra and had him in a painful head lock.

"What was that, you sorry excuse for a whale?!" Grimmjow muttered through gritted teeth. Nnoitra thrashed around violently, knocking over neighbouring tables. Everyone sighed and looked down. Only those two would fight over the smallest insult.

Eventually Stark pulled them apart. "Now, now we're not here to fight. You can do as much fighting as you like when we're back home, okay?" There was no response. "Good. Now, sit down so we can eat and carry on with our lives," He said calmly staring at the two glaring Arrancar. Stark dropped them both and went back to his seat.

"So's ev'ryone settled down then?" Gin asked. No one said anything and Gin shrugged, handing everyone a menu and piece of paper. "Everyone read yer lists and write down wat ya want. Then, I'll send someone ta get yer food inna snap!" Everyone nodded and began scanning the menu.

"The hell is a baaa-kon?" Szayel asked sounding out the word and staring at the menu strangely. "Whatever it is, it sounds poisoned,"

"Everything sounds poisoned to you Szayel," Halibel stated calmly, writing down 'pancakes' next to 'hot chocolate' on her piece of paper.

Szayel stuck his tongue out childishly and carried on scanning the menu.

"The hell, they do doughnuts here!" Grimmjow said excitedly, scribbling it down next to 'toast', 'pancakes', 'bacon' and 'coffee'.

Eventually everyone had written down what they wanted and placed the papers in the middle of the table. They stared at Gin and Tousen as they placed their slips of paper in the middle, waiting for Gin to finish helping the blind man complete his list.

"Well now, it seems that everyone's finished. We'll choose someone who has a good literate English sense to pick up our food. I can tell most of you are already disoriented by the sudden change of language and character forms here so-"

"The fuck is a 'feee-sshhu'?" Grimmjow interrupted, staring at the menu.

"That's 'fish', Grimmjow. It's English for 'sakana'." Ulquiorra stated, licking his finger and turning a page in the book.

"The hell, why doesn't it just say so, then? Don't have to be so fucking complicated…" Ulquiorra looked at Grimmjow through the corner of his jade eyes.

"This country is originally Spanish and English, it should be easy to read and understand,"

"If it's so damn easy, explain why **everyone** has a hard time speaking the native language apart from you?" For once Grimmjow was right. Up until now, no one apart from Gin, Tousen and Ulquiorra had spoken in perfect English.

"Well, Panda-chan, Grimmy-jow 's right! You seem ta be speakin' in an' understanding perfect English, especially judgin' by that book ya got there. Why don't ya go and get the food fer us?" Ulquiorra shrugged, and stood up walking away with the pieces of paper to the food table; 'Anything to get away from those idiots,' Ulquiorra thought.

Gin stood up and decided to get everyone their drinks. Ulquiorra was still getting all the food – grimacing at some of the details. Seriously, bacon covered in syrup and sugar?

Gin placed down three hot chocolates, two coffees, two cups of tea and a cup of milk; the last on the list obviously being for Wonderweiss. Everyone took what they thought was theirs and either sipped the liquid curiously or just left it on the table.

"Hey, Grimmjow. I dare you to put salt in Ulquiorra's tea." Nnoitra said motioning over to the two white containers on the table. Grimmjow grinned evilly, 'Payback for waking me up…' he thought. He stared at the small bottles getting confused because he seriously couldn't read English properly. Grimmjow shrugged and grabbed a random bottle, pouring its entire contents into Ulquiorra's cup and threw the bottle over his shoulder, ignoring the yelps from other tables, and sat back in his chair proudly.

Nnoitra stirred the salt until it completely dissolved in the warm liquid. Ulquiorra came back in one trip, miraculously, as he managed to balance eight plates of food on different parts of his body; one plate balanced nicely on top of his head, followed by two balancing on his shoulders, two more on his arms and two in his hands, his own plate was carried carefully in mouth. Although it was a rather comical look, Ulquiorra had a great posture that allowed him to walk as if he was walking normally. When he reached the table, he set down the plates to each person carefully, ignoring the round of applause from neighbouring tables and people.

Ulquiorra noticed that the sugar container had been knocked over, but ignored it. Ulquiorra watched as everyone began to eat, although Halibel and Stark probably had the least most sensible choice out of the Espada. Halibel had the bright idea to put salt over her pancakes and Stark had dipped some of his bacon in the chocolate sauce and coffee.

Ugh, horrible combination…

Ulquiorra picked up his cup, not noticing seven intense stare aimed at him. Taking a few small sips, then a final big gulp he had downed most of the tea already, along with the vast amount of 'salt' mixed in.

"Eh? Don't tell me you guys finished the sugar already…" Gin said, looking at the empty sugar container. Nnoitra fell backwards laughing whilst Grimmjow didn't know how to react. This had meant that the Fourth Espada, the World's Saddest Clown, had just downed a whole glass of sugar in under a minute. Either way, everyone noticed that Ulquiorra had gone very very stiff, his black hair falling over his eyes in a messy fashion. They all went silent and looked at the small Espada expectantly.

In a snappy motion, Ulquiorra's head bounced back up, slightly scaring everyone at the sudden change in movement. Ulquiorra looked around at everyone very quickly, almost at a breakneck speed...and the he got a crazy glint in his eyes and a rather creepy smile on his face.

"GWIMMY-CHAN!!" he suddenly burst, waving his hands in the air franticly to the Espada beside him. "YOU ISH MA BESTEST FRIEND!! ACK WE MUST GO TO THE FAIR IMMEDIATELY! EVERYONE MUST FOLLOW!!" Ulquiorra literally screamed, grabbing a rather frightened Grimmjow by the hand and jumping out the window. Everyone stood up and looked out, watching Ulquiorra whiz around the empty the beach, so fast it made it seem like he was a blur. Grimmjow's yell could be heard through the random song that Ulquiorra seemed to be singing.

"Odd…my coffee tastes like that same crap Aizen serves up…" Szayel said, drawing back everyone's attention. He reached over to Ulquiorra's cup, abandoned, and shook it slightly. He drank a sample himself. Almost immediately Szayel was out the window and dancing/running with the rather high Ulquiorra and scared Grimmjow, singing lyrics to a random song they'd just made up.

"Oh dear, I think I might've mixed up the drinks…" Gin said thoughtfully. Everyone stared at their superior in disbelief. Gin chuckled out loud.

Yup, messing with the Espada certainly is fun…

_**TA DA! Yes, I am NOT afraid of making serious characters stupid as hell, in fact, it's my special ability! Lolz, I wonder how the Espada will cope with a Sugar High Ulquiorra and Szayel? Hmmm (I am now asking for ideas ppl 8D) well yeah R&R man I love the reviews you ppl send me, they're like uber funny, I'll mention my favourite ones in the next chapter k? :P WELL HAVE FUN YOU RETARDS!! R&R PLEEAASSSEEE XD (p.s. Thanx Hearii, still an instant source of inspiration :P, you too Ash XD)**_


	8. to ze fair! part one D

_**I IS BACK! Soz I haven't uploaded since forever, but man, I had a lotta stuff to do TT ack, I said that I would put up my most favourite reviews, but they're all so awesome TT my gawd the majority of you guys that used the word "Crack" or "Cracktastic" it's hilarious XD I think about 9 of you DIDN'T use those word. I also wanna say thanks to the ppl who commented on my German, thanx! especially the kind reviewer who sent me better versions of my German (I've only been learning for 6 months, I found bad words and stuck em with words I knew XP). Imma change my version as soon as I post this up! **_

_**Ah, I have to say I'm disappointed in you all! I only got about 4, 5 suggestions on what's gonna happen with the sugar high duo! (No Gin wont get Sugar-high today, I know suckish ain't it? But I doubt there'd much of a change in Gin anyways XD) well either way, I had a rather interesting convo with my friend/ co-writer (Hearii duh XD) and I've decided to use most of her ideas! Ah yes…nothing like a butterfly farm! Now then, this chapter may contain spoilers, but you wont know it's a spoiler until you've read the manga, well then it wouldn't be a spoiler cuz you already know what's going to happen, but it still wouldn't be a spoiler, if you don't know what's gonna happen and when, at this point in time.. So technically there will be no spoilers, unless you've read the manga, wait it STILL wouldn't a spoiler and- (Kai –little brother-: yeaahh….while my idiot of a sister rants on, I'll get her attention by hitting her on the knee with my bat…) OW KAI GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE!! Yeah…anyways onwards to the story?**_

"Odd…my coffee tastes like that same crap Aizen serves up…" Stark said drawing back everyone's attention. Szayel reached over to Ulquiorra's cup and shook it slightly, drinking a sample himself. Szayel was immediately out the window and dancing/running with the rather high Ulquiorra and scared Grimmjow, singing lyrics to a random song they'd just made up.

"Oh dear, I think I might've mixed up the drinks…" Gin said thoughtfully. Everyone stared at Gin in disbelief. Gin chuckled; yup messing with the Espada certainly is fun…

"Wow...they certainly can move fast in those gigais…" Nnoitra said squinting at the blur that was sugar high duo (with the addition of a not-so-happy member).

Halibel traced their movements quite easily, but soon began to feel sick at the speed they were travelling…and the lyrics…which made no sense….at all.

"My, my. I didn't think that caffeine and sugar would be this bad. Hey what's Ulqui-chan doing to Grimmyjow?" Gin asked.

Stark, peered closer; Ulquiorra was standing Grimmjow's stomach, riding a wave with Szayel on his shoulders. "Acrobatic surfing?" He muttered, catching the attention of everyone around him.

Nnoitra frowned "The fuck is surfing? Some kinda human cult or summin'?"

Stark shook his head. "It's a sport, of a kind. Basically, you get on a large stiff piece of wood(_**lol…stiff wood… bite me. I'm a 12 yr little perv XD**_) and use it to ride waves; well, those big laps of water that go up and down. It's actually quite fun." he explained before the inevitable question came up about 'riding waves' and what it was.

Nnoitra looked at Stark strangely. "Since when did you do human things? You're always on your lazy, good-for-nothing ass!"

"Nnoitra, it's a called a holiday! Yer supposed to do things like that!" Gin said, looking rather pleased with himself. "Awww they look like they're enjoying themselves!"

Halibel gave her superior a 'what the hell are you on' look. "Gin, Grimmjow's yelling for his life. How can you call that "enjoying themselves"? I mean, look at Ulquiorra! His left eye is twitching like there's no tomorrow! Imagine the amount of strain his body is under, trying to sustain a foreign substance! Szayel's the only one who looks even remotely happy." She scolded.

Gin rolled his eyes (not that anyone could actually SEE them of course) and sighed in defeat. "Fine, fine, we'll go catch them in a minute. Anyone got any sleeping pills handy?"

Stark began rummaging around in his pocket and pulled out a small foil packet that had eight holes on its surface and one unopened one. "Sorry, I only got one left."

Everyone stared at Stark.

"No wonder he's like a freakin' rock…" Nnoitra muttered.

"Ah, thank you Stark, now then...who should we give the sleeping pill to?" Gin said, taking the small packet. Everyone thought for awhile and watched Ulquiorra running around with fish in his shirt and a shark tucked under his arm making "VROOOM VROOOM" noises. Szayel, on the other hand, clapped and started throwing starfish like ninja stars at Grimmjow.

It was unanimous. "Ulquiorra," everyone agreed quickly.

"Alrighty then! So, who wants to give him the sleeping pill?" Everyone looked around and shrugged. Gin sighed. "Fine, ya sorry excuses for Arrancar. I'll do it!"

Gin stepped out the window and quietly watched the madness unfold. 'How ta, give him the sleeping pill. Hmm...maybe I shoulda thought this through a little more,' he thought.

"AH, I KNOW!" Gin exclaimed happily. Taking out the sleeping pill, he held it in his hand and used his other hand to cup his mouth. "HEY, ULQUI-CHAN! I GOTCHA SOME CANDY!"

Grimmjow stared in horror at the thought of gin giving ulquiorra more sugar, he quickly scrambled to his feet and began sprinting at the silver-haired fox. Ulquiorra stopped running around and stared at gin, a large grinch-like smile appearing on his face.

"you got me candy?? Yayz!!" Ulquiorra ran at full speed towards gin, hands flailing wildly.

Gin looked around hurriedly; grimmjow was running to him from one side, whilst ulquiorra was running from the other. "what have i gotten myself into?" He muttered a curse before running in a direction away from the charging duo.

"ack, nuuu! My candy!!" Ulquiorra screeched, changing direction sharply. Szayel clapped and started running too, just for the hell of it.

"hey, has anyone seen where gin's camera got to?" Halibel asked looking around for said object.

Nnoitra shifted around uncomfortably for a minute, and then there was a click and flash! "ah fuck, my eyes!!" He yelled toppling off the table. Stark nudged a twitching nnoitra with his foot and looked at the camera he'd been sitting on just a minute ago.

"i think nnoitra found it, halibel." Stark said handing over the camera.

"oh." Halibel grabbed the camera, looking at it strangely. "now, how in hell do you work this thi-?" Click. Flash!

"fucking hell! My eyes, i'm fucking blind!!" Nnoitra yelled, once again falling to the ground almost having recovered from his last attack.

"so, ignoring that; does anyone here object to me taking a photo of this magical moment?" Halibel asked, looking around. No one said or did anything, excluding nnoitra who was writhing on the floor and clawing at his eyes in pain. "so, i'll just wait for the perfect moment, then i'll take a picture!" Halibel said happily.

Gin looked around hurriedly, slightly scared by the oncoming mass of hyper that was ulquiorra. Gin stopped; he couldn't find anywhere to turn and just stood still, watching ulquiorra draw closer. As soon as he thought ulquiorra was about to pounce, gin brought his hands up in front of his face in defence, expecting a crushing blow, some yells and a couple of jumpy movements. Surprised when only the yells came (or rather, the crushing blow didn't come), the man lowered his hands and stared at the scene.

Gin chuckled. Grimmjow had just tackled ulquiorra and they were both tumbling across the sand; grimmjow growled furiously and held back a shocked, surprised and hyperactive ulquiorra down by sitting on his back and pulling one of ulquiorra's arms high in the air.

"uwah! Grimmy-chan, that hurts!!" Ulquiorra wailed, squirming around uncontrollably underneath the heavier man.

Click. Flash!

"sweet…" halibel muttered under her breath.

Gin hurried over to the pair and held ulquiorra's face in place. "say 'ah!', ulqui-chan!" He demanded lightly.

Grimmjow glared at gin. "don't. Give. Him. The. Damned. Candy." He said through ground teeth. Gin scratched his head thoughtfully with his one free hand.

"neh, grimmy-jow. This isn't candy. It's a sleeping pill!" Gin whispered. It took awhile for grimmjow to process the information, until he came up with a clever, logical response.

"ughbla-wha?"

Yes, grimmjow…ughbla-wha indeed…

Gin sighed. "we're gonna put him ta sleep so he couldn't kill everyone with his hyper-ness…" he explained slowly to grimmjow.

"oh…" grimmjow sat in silence for a little while. Gin stood patiently waiting for grimmjow to get off of ulquiorra.

"hey, grimmy-chan" gin said, poking grimmjow's forehead lightly. "you can get off ulqui-chan now. I think he's gonna cry if ya don't."

"oh…right." Grimmjow carefully lifted himself off the small form of ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra sat up, pouting and with big puppy eyes. "mou, grimmy-chan, you hurted me..." Grimmjow grunted and walked back to the restaurant. Gin rolled his eyes and grabbed ulquiorra's chin again, "say 'ah!', ulqui-chan!"

Ulquiorra, through his slightly sad and depressed state, opened his mouth in hope that (during his already hyperactive sugar-crazy rave) he would be slightly happier with the 'candy' he was about to receive. Gin popped the sleeping pill into ulquiorra's mouth, smiling more then usual.

"ne, gin-chan the candy tastes w-!" Ulquiorra was out almost as soon as he swallowed it.

Gin scratched his head in thought "hmm, it worked faster than expected. Ah well, at least it made him calm!" Gin exclaimed but was immediately hug-tackled by szayel.

"ichimaru-sama!! The shark bited me!!" The pink haired scientist wailed.

Click. Flash! Halibel cackled evilly behind the camera.

"so, are we going to leave an unconscious ulquiorra, hyper szayel and distressed ichimaru-sama alone on the beach or is one of us going to carry them in?" Stark asked looking around. Tousen was busy talking to a human couple (in perfect english, no doubt) whilst wonderweiss marvelled at the little boy and girl in the baby carrier (whom oddly enough seemed to enjoy each other's company). Halibel was giggling evilly at her new pictures; nnoitra was just beginning to recover from the short period of being tousen (blind, durh), and grimmjow was eating all the left over abandoned breakfast. Stark sighed and rolled his eyes, before stretching his limbs precariously. "i guess i'll do it then." He murmured under his breath.

Stark cautiously levered himself out of the newly opened window, suffering a 5 foot fall onto sand. Picking himself up and dusting himself off, stark quickly scanned the beach area and began sauntering towards the now unconscious ulquiorra, picking up a rather large stick on the way.

When stark reached ulquiorra, he poked him with the stick. Ulquiorra grunted and rolled over, muttering an audible 'go the fuck away.' stark scratched the back of his head absent-mindedly before giving ulquiorra a hard nudge into his side with his foot. Ulquiorra growled and rolled back over, glaring at stark with heavily sleep ridden eyes before curling up into a more compressed state of sleep.

Stark huffed and slung ulquiorra over his shoulder like a large sack of...cheese (_**what? I like cheese. Go away.) **_And began making his way over to gin, who was trying to pry away a clingy szayel.

"Damn it Szayel, stop tryin' ta molest me!" Gin yelled, pushing away Szayel when he tried to get closer. Gin noticed Stark walking towards him with Ulquiorra hanging over his shoulder and jumped up, running to hide behind him.

"Say Stark, can ya do me a fav'r an' get Szayel ta stop tryin' ta grope me? Thanks a bunch! I'll see ya back at the hotel, bye now!" Gin began, said and finished, now half way back to the hotel-restaurant. Stark blinked and stared at Gin's back for awhile, then felt something heavy latch onto his leg. Stark looked down and saw a grinning Szayel happily clutching onto him. Stark shook his leg furiously and snarled when Szayel increased his grip on his leg.

"Damn it," –shake– "Szayel stop being a," –shake– "retard and let get," –shake– "of my damned leg!" Stark yelled.

"NUUUUUUUU!!YOU ISH CUDDLLYYYY," was Szayel's hyperactive response. A few more shakes of his leg, and Stark decided it was inevitable so he began trudging back to the hotel, dragging his left leg along with each step. Two other passing hotel inhabitants stared at Stark in wonder and envy.

"Hot damn, look at dat pimp go! Two bitches and it ain't even one 'clock! Oooooh, he's got one of 'em knocked up too!"

"I know, dat pink haired hoe's hanging like there ain't no tomorrow. Damn, I wanna be that playa so bad!" (_**yeah…this is killing me slowly inside…bite me I've been watching the Boondocks all week and it's warped my fragile little mind 0-o XP**_)

Stark rolled his eyes and continued his feat of carrying Ulquiorra and dragging along Szayel. "Damn humans," He muttered, now attempting to climb through the window with one arm and a heavy leg. Eventually, after giving Szayel possible large amounts of brain damage (by "accidentally" hitting his leg against the wall a few times), Stark managed to crawl through the window, throwing the limp form of Ulquiorra onto the table (Grimmjow growled and barked angrily at Stark, because most of his breakfast was now on the floor and his lap, including the doughnuts). Stark glared angrily at Szayel, who still had yet to release his leg.

Gin came up behind Stark and gave him a good pat on the head "Nice going Stark, ya got dem both in one piece! Tousen n' I are thinking of taking ya all to go sightseeing – I think that's what the humans call it. Well, either way, can ya do us the favour of making sure that Szayel stays calm? Nnoitra'll help o' course. After all, Szayel IS his partner. So what do ya say?"

"No Gin I don't want to-"

"Awww, thanks Stark. I'll go tell Nnoitra that yer gonna help him and Pinky!" Gin said, giving Stark another good, hard pat on the head. Stark groaned and slammed his head onto the table making Ulquiorra shift closer to Grimmjow, who started yelling again.

Gin walked over to Tousen and leaned against his shoulder, waving a short "Yo" to the other couple. Wonderweiss came over to the small socializing group holding the little boy's hand, and the little girl sleeping on top of his head. The other couple cooed over the three...is Wonderweiss considered a child? Well whatever… The other couple cooed over the three children. Tousen smiled at Wonderweiss. "At least someone's being nice today, unlike you Ichimaru." He said, aiming the last part at Gin. The other couple laughed softly, so Gin chuckled and scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

Tousen smirked "Ichimaru is a colleague of mine. Ichimaru, His family and I are on a vacation and business trip. I work in accounting, Ichimaru here specialises in Electronics and Engineering, Why don't you introduce yourself Ichimaru?"

"Yo, My name's Ichimaru Gin, like mole man here said! I uh…I work with…electriky things…like Compacters,-" computers. "…cats" mouse. "…and C.V's … …at times. Nice ta meet ya both.

The lady stepped forward and held out her hand with a warm smile on her face. "Hello, I'm Katrina," Gin shook hands with Katrina, same grin in place. "This is my fiancé, Damion" the man held out his hand, same smile his partner had.

"Hey nice to meet you!" Gin shook hands again.

"And these are our kids, Adrian and Sabrina. Adrian is ten months older then Sabrina and will be turning three this year. Sabrina is two!" Katrina finished, motioning over to the little girl and boy that were now playing with Wonderweiss.

'If these two are fiancés, or something, that means they're not married. Their children are illegitimate…which means their bastards!' Gin thought suddenly. Kneeling he ruffled Adrian's hair "Cute lil' buncha bastards, ain't ya?" Gin said happily. There was an awkward silence and Gin looked up. "Why's everyone gone all silent?"

Tousen coughed, catching the attention of Gin, who stood up. He leaned over and whispered, "You don't call an unmarried couple's children bastards Ichimaru. It's very offensive, especially to the father."

Gin stood in thought for awhile and scratched his cheek nervously "Well now this is, uh, slightly awkward. So--WASSAT GRIMMY-CHAN? YOU WANT ME TO READ YER MENU? Y-e-a-h, I'm just, uhm, I'm just gonna go help my son—cousin—brother, uhm, read in English. He doesn't know how ta read a word o' it, really. So, I'm just gonna--bye now!" Gin was running back over to the little group that was the Espada and sat down, leaving Tousen to deal with the bawling mother and angry father. Gin knew he'd be faced with an earful of punishment and profanities from Tousen later, so he made a mental note to buy earplugs form the gift shop.

"Okay, everyone, we're all gonna go ta summin called the butterfly farm. I think its full name is '_Le Ferme des Papillions_' or something French-y like tha'. Getcha yer stuff together and we'll leave!" Gin said, looking around expectantly.

He'd just about managed to dodge Szayel's super glomp of Death (Stark sighed happily and sank into the chair, massaging his leg, which was bright red, from the grip of Szayel) "OH MEH GEE!! BUTTERFLIES?! CAN I KEEP ONE AS A PET ICHIMARU-SAMAMAMAMAMA?? CAN I, CAN I, CAN I??" Szayel shook Gin by the collar.

Gin tried to steady himself. Ignore the Triple Crack Vision™ he was having at the moment. "W-we'll see 'bout it Szayel. Just go and wait with Nnoitra or summin while I get everyone tagether…"

Szayel twirled round to glomp-tackled Nnoitra. Gin mentally counted everyone in his head, realising that Ukelala (DAMN IT HAYLEY, THAT NAME IS STARTING TO GET TO ME DX) - cough, Ulquiorra was still unconscious on the table. Grimmjow was leaning over him, about to drop a spoonful of Mashed potatoes on Ulquiorra's face. "OI, GRIMMJOW" Gin yelled despite he was about two Noitra-long arm lengths away.

Grimmjow huffed and dumped the spoon back onto the plate, grimacing when Ulquiorra rolled over, so it looked like he was about to fall into his lap. "WADDA WANT FOX-MAN?!" Grimmjow bellowed back, slightly surprised when all Ulquiorra did was scrunch up his face and scowl at the loudness.

"WAKE UP EMO-KUN, WE GOTSTA GO SOON!!" Gin yelled. Grimmjow grinned and picked up the potato-filled spoon again, ready to drop it on Ulquiorra's face. Just as he turned the spoon over, Gin yelled "AND FOR THE LOVE OF AIZEN, DUN GET HIS CLOTHES DIRTEH, WE'RE GOING OUT IN PUBLIC!!" Grimmjow cursed and almost caught the food at an alarmingly fast speed, catching his breath when he caught them. Now, here's the key word – ALMOST. The mashed potatoes, being soft, squishy and slippery, SLIPPED through Grimmjow's hand, and onto Ulquiorra's face.

Ulquiorra's eyes snapped open, feeling the wet and slippery texture on his cheek. Next thing he noticing was Grimmjow with his hand outstretched above his face, filled mashed potatoes. "Grimmjow…" he growled, sitting up and grabbing the teal-haired Espada by the collar.

"Ooooooohhh, Grimmjow's gonna diiiiiie." Nnoitra muttered. Szayel, watched intently from behind Nnoitra, a broad grin plastered on his face. Using his free hand, Ulquiorra wiped off the mashed potato from his face with disgust and looked back at Grimmjow, who was smirking at Ulquiorra, despite the pale hand that was clamped forcefully around his neck. "What's wrong, Ulquiwhora? Thought I'd improve yer face. Gotta problem with that?"

Ulquiorra snarled and tightened his grip. "You insolent little-"

"ULQUIORRA, MAKE SURE THA' EVERYONE TIDYS THE PLACE. I DUN WANNA GET IN TROUBLE WITH DA HUMANS HERE, KNAAMEAN?" Gin yelled, walking towards the table with a packet of earplugs. Ulquiorra glared and dropped Grimmjow forcefully, "I'll deal with you later, trash." he muttered and began collecting the plates, ignoring the smug look that decorated Grimmjow's features. It took every ounce of restraint to stop Ulquiorra from whipping a plate at the blue-haired Espada. If you looked closely, you could see his hand tremble slightly to stop himself from throwing said item. Gin came back, earplugs in his hand, and told everyone to get up, acknowledging Ulquiorra for his speedy recovery and for tidying up the table so quickly. Ulquiorra shrugged it off, shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking after Gin as the Espada gathered themselves together and walked behind them as well.

Eventually, they caught a taxi to the Butterfly farm, remember in chapter…3? I said you couldn't put the Espada in a car for more than 10 minutes without someone blowing a fuse? Yeah, they were in the car for about 40 minutes. Szayel was practically driving everyone up the wall by asking "ARE WE THERE YET?! ARE WE? ARE WE HUH?! HUH?! ARE WE THERE YET?" every few seconds. It was enough to make someone go batshit-insane…it was just the matter of who went insane first….

_**HOLEE MONKEE SHIZ BALLZ! I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN WEEEKKSS!! . STUPID SCHOOL!! Ack, I promise that I'll update by Saturday next week, and the week after that (the Saturday after this week is gonna be ma b-day! I'll be 13 X3) ai yi yi yi…I had a total brain fart over the past few weeks, and then we've got Mayfair, end of year exams oh and drawing, THAT REMINDS ME! I drew a baby Ulquiorra and put it on deviantart I also drew Deidara in a cheerleading outfit for god knows why…I PHAIL using adobe Photoshop, if anyone's willing can they colour in ma Ulqui-babii? you don't have to, but it'd be appreciated D Also, since I feel TERRIBLE about this totally dry chapter (it's a two-parter but meh) I might write a GrimmUlqui oneshot, hmm? Wadda think? It's up to you guys if ya want me to! (I despise UlquiHime, so don't even think about asking) well I'm vewwy vewwy sowwy…pwease R&R :) **_


	9. AN & PREVIEW!

**ZOMFG YOU GUYS, I HAVE MAJOR WRITER'S BLOCK AND I HAD ABOUT 7 PAGES WRITTEN UP BUT MY COMPUTER DECIDED TO BE A TOTAL BITCH AND DELETE ALLL OF MY FILES AGAIN GAAAAAAHH –rips out hair- I LIKED IT AS WELL BUT NOW I CAN'T REMEMBER HALF OF WHUT WAS IN IT D8!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Yes I will still write it, but seriously my computer sucks ass… just thought I'd let you know… just cuz I'm nice and I dun wanna waste yer time completely, here's a bit of a preview **

Nnoitra drove his head into the seat, trying to block out Szayel's incessant questions (ARE WE THERE YET?! HUH?! HUH?! ARE WE THERE YET NOW?! OMFG A DOG, I LIKE DOGS! DO YOU LIKE DOGS?! CAN I GET A DOG PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ?! OMG ARE WE THERE YET?!) honestly, if this was the effect that sugar had on EVERYONE; Nnoitra took a sideways glance towards Ulquiorra, who was sitting next to Grimmjow, (miracously the sexta espada had managed to fall asleep) wringing his hands and biting his lip slightly, Nnoitra noticed he was shaking slightly, he would never try and trick anyone he knew into eating/drinking it ever again.

Nnoitra was blindsided by a large arm wave from Szayel. "OMFG THE BUTTERFLY FARM, YAY WE'RE HERE!! WE'RE HERE HERE HERE!!" The pink haired sugar crazy scientist cried, flailing his arms excitedly. Gin (the lucky bastard had ear plugs, Nnoitra thought angrily, now feeling the large swelling that was forming just above his eye) turned to the taxi driver and muttered something, in English of course, and the car drove down a small narrow path. Nnoitra twitched when the road got bumpy and Szayel started jumping around like a puppy in his seat, making Nnoitra's head bash against the seat repeatedly. Grimmjow, who could practically beat a rock and Stark in a sleeping contest, fell into Ulquiorra's lap. Fortunately (this is NOT misspelling, I am having a very good mental image about this) since the gigai more or less restrained his "normal" strength, Ulquiorra couldn't do much but try and push the heavy lump off himself; there was a large bump in the road, Grimmjow fell right back, this time his face buried just at the bottom of Ulquiorra's stomach. Ulquiorra reddened considerably and kept trying to push the heavier person off of himself. Ulquiorra just so happened to remember a bad habit about Grimmjow, when he was sleeping: He drooled…a lot  
Ulquiorra shuddered at the wet patch that was beginning to form in between his legs; he made a mental note to lock Grimmjow on the balcony for the rest of the vacation.

Still having his head bashed against the seat, Nnoitra managed to grin at Ulquiorra's and Grimmjow rather odd position. "Having fun emo?" He managed to get out between bashes against the seat behind him. Ulquiorra glared and unconsciously put his hands on Grimmjow's head, feeling the need to pull on something he grasped tightly onto the back of Grimmjow's hair. "At least I'm not the one that has to deal with the sugar high puppy" Ulquiorra retorted, pulling on Grimmjow's hair rather forcefully.  
Nnoitra smirked "At least I can restrain him, you on the other hand seem to be having a lot of fun, what about when you have to get up?"  
Ulquiorra thought about it for a little while. He could barely move his legs with the giant mass of something on his legs. Then the car hit another bump. "Fucking road…fucking Szayel…" Nnoitra muttered, feeling himself waver in and out of consciousness. Ulquiorra, on instinct leaned forward when the car hit another bump, pushing Grimmjow's head further into his lap. Gin leaned forward in his chair "We're heerree!" He said in singsong voice.

**Yeah that's not all I've got, BUT SERIOUSLY IDEAS WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATED!! –eye twitch-  
It's great to know that my pervy side hasn't worn off yet, and just to prove it! I wrote a little Lime a little while back called "Medicine" it's under the name Random Espada Conversation, a shared account with my Canadian buddy Hearii XP have fun reading it, I'dve gone a little bit further into detail with Medicine…but my mum is monitoring the computer…and everything I do… yeah…well think of Medicine as my apology :D once again GOMEN –bows like a million times- I'LL TRY AND UPDATE SOON!!**


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